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The Vanili's blog

Posts 423 posts

aye Nov 16, 2010
Mirrors dont talk and lucky for you they dont laugh either <3
Points: 22 1 comments
Welfare Reform Nov 16, 2010
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."
Points: 10 0 comments
What a night Nov 16, 2010
John woke up after the annual Spring office party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You go back work on Monday."
Points: 19 1 comments
Obsessed!!! Nov 16, 2010
With the apps function on my mobile phone!

I just cant stop downloading different kind of funny stuff.. ugh my phone already start to get slow :P
Points: 22 1 comments
IMAO Nov 16, 2010
Love this sentence

"If I looked like you I'd shave my dogs ass and teach him to walk backwards."
Points: 27 1 comments
The bloody bat Nov 15, 2010
A bat returns to the cave where the others notice blood in his face. Shaking withexcitement they ask..

'Thats a lot of blood where did you find it?'

Willingly the bat flys off to show them and they follow. After some distance they stop and the bat asks them..

'Do you see that tree over there?'

Yes! They responded in excitement..

'Well I fucking didn't'.
Points: 19 1 comments