Hey Tengaged, it's been awhile....I've been so down, man..I've not been myself for such a while. I feel unclean and it's a horrible and gut wrenching feeling. It pounds like a drum in my chest, and right when I'm ready for the big finale and to finally open my eyes forever into the silence of death, it rests itself down, and goes back to normal. But what if I didn't want it to go back to normal....what if I wanted to die....then why can't that happen...life sucks so why I am I forced to keep waking up to more life, when life just spits at me? I hate everything and everyone most days, and even hating myself in the mirror whenever I look at myself. I feel like everything is hopeless and that nothing ever works out the way it's planned. I just....I just honestly feel like I don't even wanna live anymore. Life is so hard and it's so hard to find people to depend on, but I can't take going it alone. I just....ugh. I don't wish to live anymore.