um I just wanted to thought-dump somewhere and where better than the blogs page...so as many of you know I'm a flaming homosexual and also I'm Indian, and that combination makes me feel really stuck right now.
What got me through being a closeted 15 year-old was coming online and realizing that one day it wouldn't be like this, but I'm 23 now and it's still like this lol. My parents are pretty traditional and have put pressure on me to get married since I was 20 (the age my mom got married bye), and if I don't get married by 30, then they'll probably start looking into arranged marriages LOL...
It really sucks because I've met so many amazing lgbt people and I feel like the vast majority of them are just thriving (despite being my age or younger) with either supportive or at least tolerant parents. I know that wouldn't be the case for me if I came out. Instead I'd probably be shunned or cut off, and I'm not at a place in my life where I can afford that :(
I guess I'm just tired of being patient, and I also feel like my life is a ticking time bomb cuz once I hit a certain age and I'm still not married (to a woman) then I'm gonna be in trouble lmao. I don't hate my family, I love them but I have never felt really close to them when there's this big part of my life they don't know anything about. i don't need their approval but it would be nice to have i guess.
idk usually I'm just okay with this being my reality but for the past week or so it's been extra shitty.
:( do you have siblings / can you talk to them about it first so you have some support at the very least? Before you try talking to your parents I mean. Ultimately since you’re not bisexual, I don’t think you or your “future wife” (as your family wants for you) would be happy with this. Obviously I can’t totally relate but I can imagine how difficult and emotionally draining this probably is. Since you said you want to get to a stage in your life where you’d be independent enough IF things got so bad that your family cut ties with you completely, I’d say focus on achieving what you think you would need to get to the point where you tell them. And before they get into arranged marriages seriously, you’ll have to tell them (I’m sure you’ll be able to get by saying no once or twice but I doubt it’ll be easy even then and it’ll only get harder the more your parents look). If you want to chat more or vent or anything feel free to - I’m always happy to listen even if I can’t impart the best advice for your situation.
bitch i’m struggling with the same. just know, that ur not alone! a lot of other ppl face this same issue. we’re calling tonight tho to cheer u up. ily king 🤍
Also I forgot to add this - I honestly don’t know how your parents will be because I don’t know them but hopefully what ends up being the worst point (where you come out and they are unsupportive) is transient. I hope their love for you can overcome their traditional views even if it takes months. If not, I know it may be devastating to you, but don’t do anything that you know WILL make you miserable for the rest of your life (i.e. not being true to yourself and marrying someone just for your parents’ sake - I can appreciate you love and respect them a lot since this has been weighing so heavily on you - but ultimately you will have to live with that decision and to them it will be a minor inconvenience or deviation from their expectations and it will not directly hurt them - if they’re hurt it will be due to their own thoughts and they will have to overcome that distress on their own). Often people feel guilty for going against the ones they love, but don’t feel guilty or anything if you do at all - you’re clearly a good person and a good son. <3
Wow. I’m really really sorry. This was very impacting to me. I’m very sorry, honestly being queer can be very discouraging but there’s so much beauty in our community that sometimes makes it all go away, even if sometimes it doesnt. It’s so hard to be patient especially when we know life could be different and it’s hard but I’m very glad you do have people ready to support you.
Don’t wanna give advice just give your support system a big hug when you can and it’ll probably feel better at least in the moment :)
You're def not alone. I totally get the marriage thing and i'm at the age in my life where the topic is shoved down my throat daily and it just fills me with anxiety constantly.
I've just recently come to terms with the fact my family will shun me out and things will be bad, and I'm still trying to figure out how to juggle this cluster fuck mess. My mails are open if you ever need to talk to someone you can relate to!! We can be Toronto roomies if all goes to shit :p.
I would try to establish an independence life if I were you. Try to find some security away from your parents so that once you feel comfortable enough on your own, you can tell them that you will never get married for example. Obviously that's a lie since you will commit to any partner you like. Stay strong <3 they cant force you into marriage since that will only push you away.
Oh god i relate to this too much im so sorry that this is your situation right now, not sure if this will eventually be possible but are you able to move away to prevent their interference so you can live more freely?
Awe Sim, I’m here for you if you need to talk or wanna play a game or something like that together if a distraction like that would be helpful. Thinking of you
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this throughout your life. A lot of the people thriving are super privileged and it's unfair that you can't experience that same level of freedom. You're so lucky to have so many people in your corner online though <3
