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Diary of An Emotional Existential Crisis

Posts 10299 posts

I shit you not my delivery driver from Dominos Feb 3, 2023
texted my PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER SAYING "lying is the worst quality in a person" because I didnt tip him because he didnt follow through on his delivery, harassed me and then had the nerve to argue with me about a tip!

what the actual fuck?
I talked to the GM who asked me to send him those messages and he would take care of it, and I did, but what the actual fuck lmfao

not to mention the dude SAT IN HIS CAR FOR LIKE 10 MINS BEFORE DECIDING TO GET OUT AND THEN SAYS "I dont have the right address" when it was contactless, as hes calling me sitting IN MY DRIVEWAY
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TW i have to get it out of me somehow Feb 3, 2023
I cant remember what I saw that triggered it, it was some TV show I think, but it triggered this repressed memory thats fucking with me and idk how to handle it

the person that abused me, starting in middle school, would frequently come over to my house. I was like in love with him (or what teenagers think love is, but he was truly special, unfortunately) and he knew it and used it any chance he got.

What fucks with me is that I remember us literally laying in my bed, and sometimes for literally no reason at all, he'd "choke me out" for any reason he wanted. It got to a point, I realize, that to survive the traumatic event I would start deciding to fake pass out so that he'd stop and I wouldn't actually lose conciousness. How did this even start? was it always like this? i thought there were some good times we had together? but it seems like he was - i dont know. like i really dont know the words to use to describe him right now. Its so confusing

Why didnt I get the fuck up and literally kick his ass, why didn't I scream? my parents were just a room over? Why did I let him keep coming over? Why did I trust him at all and just ignore the fact that he did that shit? Like it didn't even happen? go to school with bruises all over me and i'm fucking clueless to it and its vey obvious.

I'm so confused, this is a really confusing thing to confront because I know I didn't have, idk as much logical thought, back then to think the things i'm thinking now? I just cant understand it, it makes me feel so much like that one trauma ruined my entire life from that point forward.

Why didn't I remember all the details of it? Why is it taken 15 fucking years to come back to me? II HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT IDK THE ANSWERS TOO

thanks for reading my ted talk if anyone does
i miss this place
Points: 71 1 comments
ok also hamilton is fucking incredible Jan 19, 2023
and its even better when impaired
holy shit ive never danced so much in my life
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im v drunk Jan 19, 2023
i found out today that the school i work at is highly esteemed with a very large wait list extending to 2024

and now i feel more pressure than ever
anyway hi whats up friends, hows life?
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I accidentally gave myself a seizure Jan 12, 2023
last night, omg. It was the scariest fucking thing to have no control of your body and you're convulsing. I accidentally took an extra dose of a medicine I was on (only for 5 days), didnt realize I had already taken it that morning, then the seizure happened hours later. Its the second one i've ever had and they're far apart but i'm TERRIFIED of it happening again, especially while i'm driving.
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Imagine your life without tengaged Jan 11, 2023
I know its kinda hard for most people, me included. What if you never met any of your friends on tengaged, didnt even know they existed, and what life you think you'd live?
Points: 225 13 comments