waking up:
“oh holy shit what time is it? why didnt my alarm go off? am i late for work?”
getting ready:
“are people gonna think i look stupid or dont know how to dress myself in this outfit that i love?”
getting in my car:
“ok, seatbelt. Wheres my purse? Oh ok, wait, where’s my phone? did I put it in my bag? Wait, where’s my drink I literally just put down?"
driving to work:
“oh my fucking GOD THESE STUPID ASS PEOPLE ARE GONNA MAKE ME LATE WITH THEIR SHIT DRIVING”
‘I wonder why the check engine light is on, is it gonna just blow up on me one day in a firey crash?”
at work:
“so are they looking at my screen behid me and wondering what the fuck i’m doing?”
“Do I sound weird or dumb when I make phone calls to people? Are they laughing at me?”
“Can my boss see my screen, is he like paying attention to it and watching me make mistakes?”
lunch time:
“do I just work through lunch so we can go home early, or should I get food? Im kinda hungry”
“its only 30 minutes, i dont have enough time to eat.”
“theyre gonna think i’m weird and always want to eat if I go there everyday”
“is it weird to bring my food back? I can eat it while working, but doesnt that make me look unprofessional even though everyone else does it?”
Leaving time:
“okay did I get everything cause i sure as hell dont want to have to get to my car and run all the way back in here-“
“where’s my phone? ok, got my my bag? fuck did I forget my phone in there?”
Traffic:
“you can ride my ass all you want but i’m NOT speeding up, its fucking raining dude fuck off”
“I wonder if my car/driving stands out to the little traffic group i’m in? cause clearly im the slowest fucking one, but knowing my luck i’d get in a crash or something if I speed”
“is that noise coming from my car?”
“can they see me talking in the car (with my headphones) and think i’m some crazy person talking to herself in the car?”
“k well this assholes pissed at me for not going over the fucking speed limit, whatever dude, when a deer rams itself into your car, that’ll be karma”
“no i dont mean that”
coming home to relax:
“i really dont wanna socialize, are they gonna think i’m being rude of weird because I just dont want to socialize with them and wanna relax?”
“ok - find a reason to go in your room”
AT HOME:
“can they hear my computer? can they hear the video playing? do they notice what music or songs I put on?”
“is the volume too loud to them sleeping? i can barely hear it”
“I wonder why zoey does (x,y,z), I should learn about it”
“great, now zoey is gonna die within the next year, awesome.”
“if I can hear them, does that mean they can hear me?”
“no no no no please dont come to the door, pls dont come to the door, pls dont - ugh”
“well I dont want to be rude…. better see what they want”
“if I act like im asleep they’ll know i’m not because they can hear my typing on my computer”
BEDTIME:
“i hope i get up in time for work and my alarms go off. better check them again.”
“I hope I can actually get some fucking sleep tonight, im exhausted”
“oh well, I have survived on 4 hours of sleep and 0 hours of sleep a day, i’ll be fine, I can do it”
“I wonder if they’ll know how much I hadn’t slept tomorrow?”
“I hope they dont think i’m some irresponsible party college chick"
“I hope my shyness doesn’t come off as rude”
“their problems sound so general and easy, I wish I had them”
“I cant turn my brain off logn enough to just get some sleep, dammit”
“i’m gonna be so miserable tomorrow”
“Im scared i might be too tired to drive, im getting no sleep tonight arent i? Fuck”
“I gotta occupy my thoughts on some other bullshit, i need a video/content in the background to fall asleep”
“maybe benadryl will help me sleep better”
“why the fuck is my heart rate so high? Distract yourself from it”
“goddammit i knew focusing on it is just going to make it rise even more, come on distract yourself”
“what the fuck is happening? am I about to die?”
“why am I SO FUCKING COLD and no one else is? is my heart stopping and im losing circulation?”
“distract yourself with a video you absolutely love and imagine it in your head”
then, finally, I can fall asleep just to repeat the entire process over the next day.
some of these thoughts were extremely relatable, which isn't surprising since I have anxiety, so know that you're not alone. I read through all of these and I wish you all the best. :)
skyler1822 yes I do! It has become a LOT better. I've always been someone to assume the worst case scenario in any situation, and think emotionally first automatically before thinking logically. Its hard to get out of and it can tend to be a cycle. But medication helps amazingly more than I ever thought it would. I was a believer in "im stuck like this" and it wasn't true.
Oh good, I am so glad that it has gotten better with the help of medications! :) If you haven't looked into it already, then I would highly recommend talking to a therapist too. I think some people underestimate how beneficial therapy can be! I also want you to know that A LOT of people deal with anxiety too <3 ShayyBayy
Melatonin to sleep