my life has changed obviously in very very dramatic ways, but one of the hardest things for me is saying "no" to people because I deal with intense guilt when I say no IRL.
It took me having a GOOD friend, that treats me right, to notice these things. And she is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has made me have the courage to say no, not to feel guilty, and more importantly stand up for myself. I was assaulted by a "friend" a few weeks ago and almost didn't call the police because I didnt want a "friend" to go to jail... which is just insane, this bitch actually punched me... why the fuck do I feel bad for calling the cops on her?
This week i've been able to treat the friends that actually treat me like a friend - no arguing over stupid shit, speaking like adults without confrontation, and obviously no abuse that i'm more along the lies of "being used to it" and it took her to make me see that EVERYONE isnt that way, there are other good people, but the bad people hook me due to vulnerability. I've been able to spoil the people that deserve it and that have always treated me with respect.
Its weird but it has certainly helped my depression and anxiety and kept me focussed on school. That's all I do now, is work really hard to get my BA in Criminal Justice.
And last but not least mahogany thank you for that mail. Your bitch ass made me cry (in a good way). Thank you for your kind and supporting words. <3
