This picture is the face of a years worth of pain over and over again, blow after blow after blow after blow, even failing in suicide.
I have went through more pain in the past year than I could have ever even imagined I could suffer and fight through.
I’d been searching for closure and I think with this, I finally will complete this chapter of my life.
Thank you, Johnny, for being there in the best and worst ways for 5 years straight. Thank you for teaching me what a real friend shouldn’t be. Thank you for teaching me just because I’m sad and feel like I have no one but an abusive friend, that It isn’t true, and if I just opened my eyes, there were great people around me all the time. Great options and great people that I overlooked that would actually love to help me, but I refused to listen.
Thank you for making me realize I don’t deserve to have a best friend where I have to walk on eggshells just to be myself. I shouldn’t have to change for anyone to be a close friend - this defeats the purpose.
Thank you for making me realize I don’t have to sacrifice myself and my personality to appeal to someone that is never going to accept me, no matter what I do or what I try to do or how much I try to prove them wrong.
Thank you, for making me realize and take note of what I DESERVE instead of what I gravitate towards - Assholes. For helping me realize I can’t fix everyone, I will kill myself trying, even in an abusive relationship.
Thank you for making me realize that I can talk to a best friend about a romantic interest without them immediately putting me down for it, because no one would think that way towards me at all.
Thank you for making me realize that the person I thought cared the most, was actually hurting me worse over time.
Thank you for making me realize I don’t have to give up parts of me to be accepted.
Finally, thank you for making me reflect on my relationships: I attract assholes, I want to change them, fix them, help them, even when it harms me. I always put others before myself. Being around negativity as your closest friend takes a toll, worse and worse each day.
Thank you for making me realize my actual worth - being everything that I do not need in my life. Being almost all of the negativity that was keeping my depression spiraling. Making me realize, I will never let ANY PERSON walk all over me like my feelings don’t matter. I pour love into every single person I meet and you were the lesson in what happens when you do that to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
The recent pictures I’ve taken as my depression, grief, and anxiety starts to subside has a tendency to make me reflect more. I’m tired of hiding myself for ANYONE. My hair down and messy as fuck, and an attitude change to not accept anything less than what I deserve.
This is the change I’ve been waiting for. Coming out of the phase of me giving EVERYTHING to people and getting nothing back, except occasionally abuse.
This picture is the face of a years worth of pain over and over again, blow after blow after blow after blow, even failing in suicide.