Hi <3 if ya don't know me by now, I'm Billy. 20 years old from Melbourne Australia, work as a labourer, want to do music for a living. Been my dream for a while.
If you're close to me, you know that mental health has been a huge, huge, huge issue for me. Last year I was on the verge of ending my life, not knowing the repurcussions, not able to find anything positive about myself. I felt completely and utterly hopeless, and I wanted to end it all. Just say goodbye.
Through strength, and through the support of my family and friends I'm standing here today. Through the lesson of being able to love myself without relying on others, I'm able to say that I've so so happy with where I'm at in life. And I'm so glad that I've met some of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to talk to through here and in real life.
2020 has been the worst year of my life, period. In March, I lost two of my closest mates to mental health related issues. Nothing felt worse than thinking about if there was anything I could do. Which is why I make it my goal to make people shine, to see the light in themselves and show that they have all the support in the world. Now that I say that, I just wanna say ghrocky100 (Alex), you're an absolute fucking legend mate and I love you so so much. You're amazing, everyone thinks you're amazing, and that will never EVER change.
Back onto it, I've had time to grive, grow and learn. So many things have happened since then. Corona, George Floyd, The Black Lives Matter movement and the Trans Right's issues. I'll say it out right, before everything happened I was a full advocate of 'All Lives Matter' thinking that it was simply based on equality. I don't think I've been more dead wrong, and I'm so grateful for my piers (ESPECIALLY nikw98) for teaching me what it means, the systemic racism that goes on and what more I can do to not only be more accepting of others, but fight for the people that I love and the pain and suffering they go through every day. I can genuinely say to ALOT of people that I've never been more thankful for them to guide me into being a more dope person.
Dope, my favourite word. Because that's what life is when it comes down to it. You're lucky to have it, and it sucks sometimes, but I'd rather you be here. Everyone does. If ya don't mind, I gotta thank a few people. There's too many to fucking name, and I'm more than happy to talk to anyone that I missed, but there's a few stand outs.
C_Shizz96 , the love of my life. My queen and someone who if you had asked me four years ago that a gay man a few years older than me from VIRGINIA** would become a role model and one of the greatest companions a man could ask for, I'd say you'd be kidding yourself. However, Miss Anastasia, you have never failed to lead me in the right direction, and more importantly make me laugh harder than anyone else. You have no idea how much you mean to me, and I'm grateful for you every single day.
Beccajo16, you were the first person that I met when I came back into this god forbidden dumb ass site Late 2015, and almost five years later you have continued to be the absolute goddess I know and love. You never take shit from anyone, and you teach me to be more assertive, hard working and above all kind.
The Whole of Chifula ( M_Davis1998, RainbowKing, Caleb9211 (and Cassie), NopalitoLegend01, TotalDramaLover1234), you have been my rock ever since this group formed. Every time I come on and chat with you guys, whether it be about something serious or we're fucking around (or if we're playing BASKETBALL) I feel safe. More importantly, I know that I've never been more grateful for a group of mates in my entire life. I promise you all that I will come to meet you when everything is over.
nutmeggiee, Megan Mother Fucking Humphries. Where do I begin with you? We meet in Discord Whodunnit, and we clicked instantly. You have never, ever failed to have a dull moment with me, and even though we went through a rough patch I consider you to be one of the most pivotal people I've met in my life. You teach me that it's okay to be a little bit of a mess as long as you have fun, and I tell you that there is no bitch more loyal and supportive of the people close to you than you. I can't express how much you've spiced up my life, and more importantly taught me that...well, life is dope.
but seriously fuck you megan humphries.
Thumper91, Lauren. My god. LAUREN. I can't say enough good things about you to prove my point that you are without a doubt the most golden hearted person I've come across on this site. The kindness that I try to show others is modelled based around how you treat others. You have never failed to make me smile, and that will never finish. I will always be loyal to you, and I hope you understand that I'll always be there for you.
Finally, someone who isn't on this site. Krissy.
yep i started crying here. fuck me in the ass whilst you're reading this stream Delete Forever by Grimes cuz it's a BOP
Krissy. You are the best thing to happen to me this year, if not for a long, long time. We've had some preeetty rough moments absolutely, and yes we've both been very very messy at some points. But you, more than anyone else, have shaped me to be a better person. You are strong, a badass, loving, intelligent, hilarious, I can go on all fucking day. You have brought a light into my world that's helped me learn about myself and my limits, and help me break them every day. I love you so, so much and I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather have as my best mate. I could go on all day but this blog is already long as fuck.
To anyone, ANYONE that is struggling, I've felt it. SO many people on this site have felt it. So many people have gone through injustice and their rights stripped from them, have had to come out, have had to live without a home or without a family.
It's okay not to be okay.
I stand with you. I stand for those who need help in any shape or form, and will try my absolute best to do exactly that. I may not be perfect, but no one is. Anyone reading this, message your best mates, tell them why you're grateful then. Kindness goes a long way, and you might just make someones day.
That's it for me. I love you all so so much, even if you don't know me feel free to message me. I'm always here to listen or chat <3 I will make an effort for you. We all will. However, you need to put in an effort for yourself as well. Self Love is the best kind of love. No one gives a fuck about how you look, it's 2020. Why do you think I keep continuing to talk to ThisIsMyGame? (fkn love you Keaton never change). You are beautiful, amazing and strong.
Well, we’ve made it bay bay! Number one. Anyone who knows me very well probably already knows what it is, but as soon as I heard this song it was something special to me, and I could never overplay it and get tired of it. Because when both of my favourite artists at the moment do a collab, it’s bound to be perfect. So, at last....coming in at Number One is.....
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The first second I listened to it, it was already a classic for me. Ed sings at his very best in this song, especially in the chorus, and Khalid provides the perfect chill but hypnotic vocals he always does. The beat is amazing, the meaning is powerful to me as it’s about not fitting in such a huge and popular crowd, which is like the story of my fkn life, and it helped me through my dark times through the middle of the year. Most of Ed’s songs were hits for me this year, but this was beyond another level where I could never stop listening to this, whether it be on my playlist or the radio. It’s beautiful, a bit emotional, fun to listen to and has a powerful message. Beautiful People, happily takes my number one spot of the year.
The Top Ten So Far...
#10: Change Your Mind by Tori Kelly
#9: Hold My Girl by George Ezra
#8: Freaking Me Out by Ava Max
#7: Adore You by Harry Styles
#6: Heaven by Avicii
#5: Nice To Meet Ya by Niall Horan
#4: Stay Awake by Dean Lewis
#3: MIDDLE CHILD by J. Cole
#2: Here With Me by Marshmello ft. CHVRCHES
#1: Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran ft. Khalid
2 more entries to go. This song was EXTREMELY CLOSE to topping the list, but in the end I decided on another. Nonetheless this song is dope and really helped me get through this year. So, the bridesmaid for this years list, and coming in at Number 2...
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Here With Me by Marshmello ft. CHVRCHES
I was lucky enough to see CHVRCHES down at Falls Festival this time last year. I sort of knew them, but after watching them I grew to absolutely love their music. Then I found out they did a collab with one of my favourite DJ‘s, who also produced 2 other songs in my previous years of this series ‘Silence’ and ‘Happier’. This is the best song that Marshmello has ever produced, and whilst the lyrics are a bit cheesy I absolutely dig it. The voice is so distinctive and literally fits the beat perfect, and the drop is fucking INSANE. Don’t tell me simple songs are too plain, this to me was something I could party too and sing in the shower all night long. I actually originally had this at Number One, but I decided to change it last minute. What is it you ask? You’ll have to wait until tomorrow x
The Top Ten So Far...
#10: Change Your Mind by Tori Kelly
#9: Hold My Girl by George Ezra
#8: Freaking Me Out by Ava Max
#7: Adore You by Harry Styles
#6: Heaven by Avicii
#5: Nice To Meet Ya by Niall Horan
#4: Stay Awake by Dean Lewis
#3: MIDDLE CHILD by J. Cole
2. Here With Me by Marshmello ft. CHVRCHES
Tyler:
Billy: 7.5/10 (legit legend but u fucked me over in yts)
Caleb: 12/10
Megan: 10/10 cuz she saw ur comment but she still doesn't know you
Michael: 10/10
Paige: 3/10
Big Dizzle:
Billy: 8/10 (cuz danganronpa rp legend)
Caleb: 7/10
megan: 5/10 idk
Michael: 7/10
Paige: 5/10
And now, for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I don't listen to rap too much, but a few songs I absolutely love. But this one right here, made me fall in love with the genre in the first place. Coming in at #3....
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I listened to J. Cole for the first time last year when a friend played No Role Modelz for me on the speaker during a study break. I instantly loved the beat and the flow, and started to listen to rap a bit more. I'm not usually a fan of flex songs, but MAANN this song was dope! Here J. Cole raps about being in the middle of a older and newer generation of rap, and how he is a mix of the two kinds and tries to carry the division. It's dope as hell, the beat is nuts from the first second, and the lyrics struck gold for me. It's about someone who's fighting, but also winning at the same time, and how he's proud about it. Every time I listent o it I feel like a bad mf walking down the streets. It's something that I usually don't listen to, but here I just loved it so much. This is the last hip hop/RNB song you'll see here, but nonetheless I enjoy the hell out of it and it rightfully deserves #3.
The Top Ten So Far...
#10: Change Your Mind by Tori Kelly
#9: Hold My Girl by George Ezra
#8: Freaking Me Out by Ava Max
#7: Adore You by Harry Styles
#6: Heaven by Avicii
#5: Nice To Meet Ya by Niall Horan
#4: Stay Awake by Dean Lewis
#3: MIDDLE CHILD by J. Cole
Only three days left of this sucker. Makes me think of the memori-okay nah we ain't doing that cheesy shit, and that gave me ptsd of my least favourite song of the year. If y'all wanna know what it is...it's Memories by Maroon 5. Fucking sellouts. Anyway, off we go to Australian Music for this one! Coming in at #4...
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Stay Awake by Dean Lewis
You ever hear a song and think it's a happy song but realise it's a fucking sad song but you still love it nonetheless? Then listen to this! For all the Americans reading this countdown, you'll know Dean from his most popular hit 'Be Alright' or his other song that's played in a few Netflix shows 'Waves'. Here, he sings about not letting go to something that he really treasured (referring to his former lover) and that he wants her to 'Stay Awake' with him. It's a hard hitting song once you listen to it properly, will make you cry (if you're one of those people). Dean is by far my favourite Australian Artist right now for good reason, and this song reminded me to whatever way you find it, enjoy the music. Fucking tune this is.
The Top Ten So Far...
#10: Change Your Mind by Tori Kelly
#9: Hold My Girl by George Ezra
#8: Freaking Me Out by Ava Max
#7: Adore You by Harry Styles
#6: Heaven by Avicii
#5: Nice To Meet Ya by Niall Horan
#4: Stay Awake by Dean Lewis
