TW: LONG BLOG; LOTS OF WORDS ON ONE MINUTE TRAILERS. IF U DON'T CARE 2 READ PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL AND JUST GO LOOK AT THE CHART LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. KTHX
welcome BACK girls. after me and nevra lee curtis finally managed to hop on a #cytube room and bingewatch all of your submissions, we had a good ass time ranking all of ur trailers. HOWEVER, one of u girls is not COMING SOON. #olympia failed to meet the 24 hour deadline and their taxi will remain forever stuck on cooper street. #DISQUALIFIED. please express ur condolences for our first casualty of this game down below if u wish to.
anyhow, may the following movie trailerettes please step forward.
coolKat
HeavyRayn
nateclove
Thirteen
Times_Places
you are all SAFE. please attempt to step ur puss up for the next round.
meaning Booyahhayoob, Heavenlee, J2999, joey65409, mastropola, NewNightmare7 and QueenMichelle are our TOPS and BOTTOMS of the week. letβs proceed with critiques!
πππππ'π ππππππππ: Not even a 2022 movieβ¦. I hate you. Youβre so annoying. Christopher Nolan is a racist.
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: i was so rdy to be on ur side while nevra was malding bc i heard this movie was starring JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT and anyone who knows me nknows i love me some fckn JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT (pre-2012, rest in peace princeπ) but believe it or not JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT was barely in this trailer??!?!??!?! blasphemous. also yeah this is INELIGIBLE for the theme so u know.
πππππ'π ππππππππ: Ohβ¦. thatβs notβ¦. ermβ¦β¦ This is a trailer! Iβm not too big on the action genre, so this doesnβt really excite me in any way. I do like Sophia Taylor Ali and Tati Gabrielle! They were in the trailer for like 5 seconds but okayβ¦.. I also absolutely hate Mark Walnutβ¦. Heβs a literal racist. And he was just forgiven too easily. It doesnβt sit right with me. Anyways, Tom Holland is just okay. I donβt take him seriously as an actor, heβs on that Ryan Reynolds path. Overall, this trailer is just not doing anything for meβ¦. Yeah.
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: my knowledge of the source material was very limited until i went to google images and saw they cast twinkie to m holland as a character depicted to be a very sexy handsome 30 yr old man??? rly just ruining my vibes there to start with. as a whole this trailer was vry bland to me i fear. it looked like any other action moviewith white people who should have retired years ago (who thf wants to see mark wahlberg in their screen ever??? ew ew ewe w ew ew ew ew ew) and like yeah.. who cares though. ykwim? like i get it tom holland is falling down the airplane and climbing back up wowww so cool no no let that bitch FALL and hit his head rly hard i fear. ykwim? HOWEVER there was one shining moment in all of this and that was sophia taylor aliβs line delivery she can0t act and it made me giggle a lot. queen!
πππππ'π ππππππππ: LMFAOBGVDGHVDβ¦. This is exactly what Penny and I are looking for!! This trailer, unironically, is really solid! I love the use of neon lighting. This trailer also reminded me that Julia Stiles is still alive like momβ¦. Literally. The real star of this trailer is Isabelle Fuhrman! First of all, sheβs like 30 playing an 11 year old who is actually 30 pretending to be 11β¦. Itβs deep. But also, the fact that they didnβt use cgi or anything to make her look 11, like she originally was in the first film, is sending me dbhvdggvdhvdhdchddgvdhgd and her height?????? I couldnβt stop giggling omgβ¦β¦.. Genius first pick! You did a great job capturing the camp we wanted!
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: i honestly wasnβt sure what uβd expect when the gamer j2999 applied to our elusive very camp very niche contest nor was i sure uβd get it but this is a rly good first showing. staring at a very clearly OLD face line forming isabelle fuhrman trying to pass as a like 9 yr old girl? or something? was like the funniest thing ever. that detective snapping 3 million pictures of her and canβt see the entire date of birth onher face like omfgggg so camp. we are YASSSSing at this first showing we are!!
πππππ'π ππππππππ: Ouuuuu Iβve only saw this trailer once at the movies, no one seems to be talking about it??? Despite Anya Taylor Joy being the lead in it??? Anyways, this is actually a really strong trailer! They donβt clue you in on whatβs really happening, which is really smart! Most trailers just show you the whole movie, like The Invitation (2022) for example [ETA: idk what the fuck she's talking about], this leaves a lot of the mystery! Another highlight is those funny momentsβ¦. Are actually funny!!! Overall, a great pick that deserves some more attention!
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: this trailer rly served as an eye opening experience for me as i believe iβve nevr seen anya taylor joy not wearing period clothes in a period movie like WOW. this was serving movie of the year honestly i think this was the one trailer this week that actually did want to make me go see the movie, like it was campa s fuck!! anya taylor joyrunning around with the gay boy from skinsπ and the jokes actually landing no i had fun i did!!
πππππ'π ππππππππ: I have a lot of mixed feelings about this trailer! The concept of the movie is naturally campyβ¦.. Like queer people are at a conversion therapy camp and thereβs a killerβ¦.. The movie is literally called they slash them???? But the trailer wants to be creepy so bad itβs actually annoyingβ¦. Like give into the camp???? No one is going to take this slasher seriously so thereβs no point in trying to be serious. The movie also suffers from the same problem but thatβs a conversation for another day. Quei Tann and the blonde therapist hag were the standouts in this trailer.
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: i didnβt know where to rank this honestly like itβs definitely a very dookie trailer as in it makes the movie out to look so fkcn boring but it also has moments of unintentional camp? that scene where the blonde therapist lady is on the butch they/them nonbinary individual [timestamp: 1:16-1:22] had me fckn howling the cut to her smiling and the horror sting took me OUT like that is honestly movie trailer winning material.and yet for the most part this trailer was just soβ¦.. serious and monotone??? where was the camp.. that blonde lady carried i fear.
πππππ'π ππππππππ: I meanβ¦. Anything Jordan Peele does is genius! And this is no different! Having seen this movie twice, I still appreciate how much of the mystery is left out of the trailer! The start of the trailer is really great and immediately grasps your attention! Daniel and Keke also seem like a lot of fun in the trailer! Especially Keke! One of my favorite scenes is when Daniel opens the car door and you see the alien ship thingy above the houseβ¦. Really effective! Solid send!
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: LOL i mean βnopeβ did come up in the conversation of what movies to block for this round because itβs such a DUH pick for me at least. and yes it is a very good and effective trailer and rly makes use of itsβ very hot and talented cast we freaking love you keke palmer daniel kaluuya and that one man who always shows up on m y tl dk his name but we love u too. a predictable send but like look at the material itβs very solid mhm!!
πππππ'π ππππππππ: Iβ¦. havenβt heard of this? Almost every other hulu movie this year has been shoved down my throat, I canβt believe I missed this?? And itβs apparently out already??? I need to log back onto my auntβs hulu and go on a binge! Thisβ¦. is actually really funny to meβ¦. The stereotypical fairy tale opening and then it just turns into a Shrek ripoffβ¦ I was giggling!!! Finally, Joey King does something worthwhile with her career (bar The Conjuring)! Itβs about time! But yeah, this was really silly and fun! I canβt wait to watch!
ππππππ ππ'π ππππππππ: this really took me the f*ck out going in blind and having no idea what this was and honestly i wondered whether this was a funny or die sketch from 2012 that joey king had travelled back in time to star inβ¦ i think this wouldβve ranked better with me if it was longer and they gave us clarification whrhther or not joey kingβs character and her cunty kapow pussy girl sidekick beside her are lesbians and doing each other i mean iβm assuming thatβs the case. amazing movie if so!! i had a very good time watching this!
b/c this blog is so long already u're all getting very unsuspenseful results.
which means.... #J2999 and #joey65409... only one of you can be the winner of this week's challenge.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...which is why in a turn of events we rly couldn't decide which one to pick so f*ck it DOUBLE WIN congratulations you are BOTH the WINNERS of this first round!!!! everyone give them a YAAAAAAAS of applause.
in a normal round both contestants would have to send a MOVIE CLIP FOR THEIR LIFE (MCFTL for short), however that won't be in effect this week. we have been shown production footage of Booyahhayoob threatening to leave the premises and wishing to not be in this competition any longer. in NaPMTT we respect and promote self agency which is why Booyahhayoob....... will be getting ELIMINATED tonight! WOW! </3
