First of all, I'm not writing this for the clout. I want to share my story, the whole experience (I previously mentioned an overview in a blog), in the hope that it encourages others to speak up and to not feel ashamed. #StrongerAsOne
I've never been a confident person, so when I joined TG back in 2009 it helped me find my voice. Honestly, TG was the first place I felt I was able to be myself, and I made so many friends. Some of which I still speak with now. But TG is online, it's easy to hide behind a computer. But the things I learnt from others online, helped me grow who I was as a teenager. I was still never the most confident person in the world, but I was getting there. I was happy.
Skip forward to 2018 and everything started off great. I'd been working full time for 4 years, I found a hobby I really enjoyed and I had a really close group of friends that I'd travel the country with going to football matches. But that's where it all changed. One trip to a football match, the coach driver (at least twice my age, and married) made me feel uncomfortable the entire day. He would stand so close to me that he would almost be touching me. He would ping the hairband on my wrist and untie my shoes 'as banter'. He would always make sure he followed me up the stairs on the coach making it known he was looking at my ass and would position the in-coach mirror so he could watch me the entire journey. He even grabbed my ass we got on. It didn't end there, he found me on facebook and would constantly message me. I felt like I'd done something to lead him on, so I was scared. Took me about a month or so before I opened up about it to my friend (who works with the bloke) and he encouraged me to put in a complaint about it and said he'd do anything to support me. It helped, but I still felt like it was something I did so I closed up and distanced myself from people as I thought that would stop it ever happening again.
Little did I know that a few months later, I would fall victim to voyeurism. Every Sunday for me is #SelfcareSunday. So I went about my usual Sunday routine and then went and run a bath. As I was applying my facemask I noticed a camera in the bathroom. I was hidden under a plastic bag but the lense was poking through. I was shaking, I didn't know what to do. Where had it come from? I cried. I froze, staring at it. I wanted to shout for my mum, but something in me just couldn't do it. I flipped the camera over, it was on. I placed several objects over it to hide it and cover it. I couldn't bring myself to touch it any more. I quickly had my bath, and went running to my mum. I told her I'd found a camera, and I was still shaking. I went running upstairs to hide. She turfed the guy out who put it there. I thought that was it, it was all over. Little did I know how much it would affect my mental health.
Months down the line, I found that experience constantly affecting me and everything I did. I would sleep fully covered up, and would almost daily check my room for cameras despite knowing there weren't any. I would have nightmares about it. I also couldn't use any bathrooms other than my own in case the owner had a camera in there. I was too ashamed to speak of this to anyone. I spiraled, and before I knew it I was pushing everyone away. I was losing friends, I wasn't able to concentrate on anything and I would constantly cover up whenever I left the house. This feeling continued for what turned out to be the best part of a year. During this time, I met my ex. I loved him, he was caring and he helped me overcome this without knowing any of this ever happened. I let him in, I let him close to me. But deep down, this was still affecting me. I'd still have weeks where I would distance myself and I couldn't explain why as I could speak up about what had happened. Again, I blamed myself.
Now we're here in 2020, in quarantine. I'm 25 and I'm better than ever. Quarantine has helped me reflect and I was able to speak up. I opened up to my best friend, and it's made us so much closer. I'm genuinely happy, and I now have the confidence to walk around my house naked without a care in the world. Here's to the future.
If you're still reading, sorry about how long this is but I hope it helps others. And honestly, if you ever need to talk to someone please feel free to message me. I can listen, or I can try and help and offer advice. I know what it's like to feel alone, and I don't want to see others suffer.
Comments
I’m glad you’re sharing this again and that you’ve found it within you to heal. Invasion in your own home, the one space you’re meant to feel safe in must’ve been so stressful.
Im so sorry there are some sickos out there. I hope you know you DID NOT lead them on..its not up to them to be able to do this whenever they please. Im glad youre also better now than you were with all this. Im so sorry this happened to you though.
I HATE the feeling that I'm being watched. I couldn't imagine the feeling of having a literal camera in the most private room in the house. I am glad you are doing better now, and I'm glad you found the camera. I'm sorry you had to go through this :(
Wow you are sooo strong. I’m soo sorry with what you had to go through. :( But I’m soo happy you have built up confidence in yourself and have been able to tell your story.
i’m so sorry this happened and i’m so proud of you for sharing your story, i’m glad you’re recovering and i hope you continue to do so and i’m always here if you need someone
