It’s been a long day and a day I was never expecting to come to say the least. For now, I’d like to thank everyone who supported me over the past year. It did not go unnoticed who stuck by my side and who entertained and enabled bullshit to make me look like a crazy, evil ex who was desperate for revenge. I lost a shit ton of friends and had to weed some out because I was not going to keep living life being told everyday that I’m crazy or being overdramatic over a situation that has deeply traumatized me and will have life-long effects. A lot of things went down that people aren’t aware of and there’s been a lot of misinformation, spinning, etc. and I don’t have the energy to discuss them right now. I just got out of classes for the day and need to make dinner. I’m just glad the truth finally came out and I can breathe now and start to heal. I’ll address some things more in depth tomorrow. Have a good night and try your best to keep your head up even when you feel like there is no hope left.
For a while now, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should speak out because I am well aware that I will be called a liar and be attacked. However, I am now strong enough to handle any kind of backlash for this. On March 8, 2020, I was raped. If you do the math, you will discover that emzthorne was my rapist. For many months after the event, I had been gaslighted to believe that it wasn’t rape. It was minimized and not talked about except for once around a month after it occurred and I brought it up. He said he was embarrassed, didn’t want to talk about it, and that “he just wanted to try new things.” Let me be very clear, when someone shakes their head no and does not open their mouth the first time you try to force your penis in, it means you do not have consent. He laughed at me and told me “c’mon babe” and that is when I opened my mouth because for some reason I felt bad about not engaging in the act. After all, I was staying at his place. What was I supposed to do? Fight him? And then go where?
I am well aware that this is going to be confusing for many people. This is not the person a lot of people know. I sure as hell did not expect my best friend of 4 years and my boyfriend at the time to do this. But the reality is, he did. Additionally, the situation may be difficult to wrap your head around because we admittedly have had consensual sex before. However, facts are facts and any attempt to spin them in a more attractive light is simply misleading.
So why am I speaking up now? I want to be very clear. I did not see the severity of the crime against my body at the time because there was a lot going on in the relationship then. One day prior, I had flown down to spend spring break with him. One day after, I discovered I was cheated on multiple times and was dumped. I stayed in his house for a few days after, hoping that I’d get some sort of apology, but it never happened. I was ignored for two days, only being visited by him once or twice so that I could eat. Otherwise, it was silence as he continued to game and watch YouTube as my life was crumbling before my very eyes one door over. I did nothing wrong, and he would even confirm this. Yet I was treated like a fucking dog. So eventually I booked an early flight home and left.
All I could think about was the betrayal of someone who swore their loyalty to me and had me fly down, having spent all my saved money for the trip, when he knew very well that he had cheated on me. If I had known at the time that I was cheated on only weeks prior to flying down, I would have never gotten back together with him. However, I wasn’t aware of that information until around three months later (the final time I was dumped), as I only knew of a few instances that occurred early on in the relationship. Now I know what you’re thinking, why would someone get back with someone who raped them? Like I said earlier, I didn’t see it as rape at the time and my emotions were all over the place because of everything that had gone on.
To be blunt with everyone, I was very hesitant on releasing this information. I do not think he raped me out of malicious intent, I just think he was horny. I also do not want his reputation for the rest of his life to be ruined because of stupid decisions he made as a 19 year old. This is why I have not gone the legal route with the situation. With that being said, if I feel he is a danger to other people and they too could end up as nothing more than a piece of meat to him, then I will be left with no other choice. I felt obliged to talk at this moment after hearing about his attempts to act as if he is a person of good character and of good morals. He is not. He is far from it. I have lost any and all respect I ever had for him, with a lot of that being caused by matters I’m not going to get into right now. I cut all ties with him months ago and am thrilled to say that he is no longer my issue, he is Noah Klausing’s (the first boy he cheated on me with, who I believe he is now dating). God bless you both.
Remember that time he made a blog making himself seem like the victim of a car accident he caused? Yeah, that was on the way back from a club where he was making out with a boy who wasn’t me while we were in a relationship. That boy was Noah. Max called me at 4am trying to make me feel bad for his damaged car and purposely hid the information that I later got out of him. Soon after, I would be left with a voicemail begging for forgiveness and him in tears after I said I couldn’t be in the relationship anymore. He convinced me he would change and that was a one time thing, shame on me for being such a damn fool. Almost to the exact day a year later, this July, I would cut all ties with him after he told me he could no longer attend a scheduled call because a “sleepover” with the mistress, Noah, came up. Right then and there after being by his side through thick and thin, protecting him for years, I told him to remove any proof of me in his life from his social media because I did not want to be associated with the monster he became and we have not spoken since.
After months of spiraling, losing a significant amount of weight, and very seriously considering suicide, I am finally happy. Never be embarrassed to seek help and never give up on yourself. My dreams are coming true and I have found myself a true group of ride-or-dies. As cliche as it may be, it does get better. Just be patient.
- Brendan, the “crazy, controlling, overly-attached, dramatic as fuck, jealous, bitter” ex
Finally, if you would like to call me a liar, feel free to sue me for defamation of character and I will gladly show up to court. I'm done being vilified and silenced. I purposefully left this off of this website because for some twisted reason, I still see the child in you when we first met years ago who I thought never would have done all this shit to me. Anyways, see y'all around. Take care.
