So let me start off with a few things you should know before I start the story, this isn’t my first time meeting her parents their Spanish and believe in spirits and stuff, and I’m dumb okay so let’s get into it
I was invited over to have dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, it was after Christmas but considered a Christmas dinner since everyone had COVID during Christmas my girlfriend’s mom made roast beef, with Potatoes and some other sides and had it organized in the kitchen as a buffet style where you serve yourself and a large window thingy that sees into the dining room from the kitchen. So we all grab our plate and go to grab food and oh my fucking god that roast beef was alive that shit had heart palpitations and everything and no one is saying anything, I grab a shit load of sides and like 2 pieces of that to not be rude. So we’re all eating at the table now and I eat the sides first (they were bangin) and I’m trying to figure out how the fuck do I eat this roast beef, I think maybe cut it and swallow it whole without chewing cause if I bite down that shits gonna moo at me.
So I say fuck it and excuse myself to grab more sides and while I’m in the dining room I slide the roast beef to the dog sneakily, worst decision ever, this mfer starts choking on it so loud and is literally dry heaving so her father and mom runs in to check on him and sees partially thrown up cow on their floor and look so bewildered. So this is where this goes south and I don’t know why this went through my head.
I take a look at the floor, look back at them and I just try to fake a seizure on their kitchen floor; I’ve never witnessed a seized but assumed how one looked but I guess I did it wrong because her mother says “he’s possessed to her husband and my girlfriend, and her husband just agrees so I think to myself fuck it I’m already balls deep and I keep spazzing and make my voice deep like the movies now their straining me down yelling shit at me and I hear him say “what’s your name and reason or some shit” so I panic and I fucking said Poseidon (the god of the ocean) but they bought it. I just keep fighting them straining me down and moaning deep voices and fake passed out until I was clear.
