In order to lay an egg you had to sit absolutely still and cross legged while chanting chicken sounds for about a half hour to an hour. The amount of time really depended on the authenticity of the chicken noises and your ability to stay motionless.
After a while I'd check, and there was an egg right behind my butthole. I thought I could lay eggs at first... and then I KNEW I could lay eggs.
Initially sceptical, I asked how the egg came out of my butt onto the floor without taking off my pants/underwear/onesie ; I was also curious why I didn't feel anything.
Turned out that chickens didn't take their clothes off before laying an egg. They also felt nothing. Stupid question.
Tried showing other kids in kindergarten/preschool (?) and it never worked. I tried convincing everyone that I just didn't have enough time, my chant might be off, and it was absolutely just about to happen before I moved.
Parents finally told me the truth after a particularly embarrassing dinner party where I held the room hostage with my passionate chicken chanting, etc... ugh.
They put the eggs there and because my caw's were so loud it was easy to sneak up on me.
They put the eggs there. It was just to get me to sit still.
They put the eggs there; I couldn't lay eggs at all. I was just a normal kid.
THEY PUT THE EGGS THERE and my mother absolutely had enough eggs for breakfast and I wasn't contributing the way I thought AT ALL
They Fucking Put The Eggs There.
Some nights like tonight when I've had a few drinks, I'll entertain the idea that MAYBE I could still lay an egg. Last time I tried was when I was baked and home alone at 17. Perfect performance but no egg...
...unless maybe it wasn't perfect and to be honest I was pretty high so I probably messed up my chicken song somewhere.
I mean, I'm an old man. My fiancee will wake up if she hears loud, clear, and accurate chicken sounds perfectly voiced in a monotonous manner.
Lol. Not tonight...
...even though I could fucking probably lay an egg if I wanted to probably.
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thank god youre back, tengaged was dry without you
