Title pretty much says it all. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I made it clear to her from the beginning that I am only in a place for an open relationship and that monogamy is not how humans are wired, etc. She was aware of the monogamy fact and agreed to an open relationship. We basically have a ādonāt ask, donāt tellā understanding. I have a ring and was planning to propose to her on Valentineās Day until she recently freaked out about something odd and set off some red flags for me. Like most guys out there, my friends and I sometimes jack each other off when weāre stressed or bored. Itās not sexual or gay, itās just something weāve always done and something most straight men are into.
Hereās the weird part: my girlfriend walked in on āSteveā (name changed for anonymity) masturbating me after a workout. We stopped (just to be polite) and greeted her. I went over to hug her hello and she got super cagey and weird, then said she forgot something in her car and practically ran out. She didnāt come back so after a few minutes Steve finished me off and then I gave him a quick rub before he went home. She finally came home later that night and I could tell something was off.
After asking her if everything was okay at work, with family, etc. I got tired of her being cold and asked her what was going on with her. She went on some crazy rant basically implying that she thinks Iām gay??? And she had no idea that an open relationship would mean āhooking up with guysā. I tried to explain to her that practically every straight guy does this and that itās not gay at all. I honestly had to try hard to not get angry because she was so naive and rude about it. Iāve seen her kiss her female friends while weāre at the clubs like 100 times. Sheās fondled a womanās breasts in front of me and I never had an issue with it.
Part of me wants to end it with her because I canāt understand someone so close-minded and ignorant about social norms. This was a couple of weeks ago and Iāve been having a harder time orgasming with my friends because sheās gotten into my head. I usually ejaculate explosively with my friend Jason several times a week, but since this issue began heās had to use his mouth several times to get me going.
Is this a red flag? How should I handle it with her? She refuses to accept that this is normal for straight men and was distraught when I told her that Iāve masturbated men probably 3,000 times in my life.
Would appreciate any advice. Her ignorance about what it means to be gay makes me wonder if maybe she has some repressed homosexual urges? I have nothing against the LGBT community, but it would make me nauseous to picture her doing any more than kissing a woman in a sexual way. I know itās a double standard, but thatās the way society is. Itās normal for straight men to do this, weird for women to.
TLDR: My girlfriend didnāt know that most straight men jack their friends off regularly. She is now claiming that I am gay, which is absurd. What should I do?
EDIT: Please stop asking if this is a joke or implying I am gay. This is a social norm for American men. Every guy I know does this kind of thing platonically. Itās a guy thing. I am not gay.
EDIT 2: Whoever told everyone to come troll this post, grow up. I AM NOT GAY. THIS IS NOT GAY. This is a social norm for American men. 99% of straight guys do this with their friends. There is nothing sexual about it. If you are so unevolved that you think it has to be gay to ejaculate easily with someone you trust, I feel sad for you.
EDIT 3: If you arenāt going to give advice (see the subreddit this was posted to?) donāt bother commenting. I am not gay or bisexual.
I'm American, albeit gay, but this is not an American norm. Maybe it is an American norm in fantasy pornographic realities but not in real life. And you're girlfriend being cagey after walking in on you with a friend clearly stems from the fact that she saw you with someone else. Regardless of the fact that you are in an open relationship, seeing that you are the one that required the openness she is probably less comfortable with it then you are and it has little to do with your sexuality.
