Ever since I was a child I have felt like a girl who does not believe in paragraph breaks. From a young age I was extremely uncomfortable with my body and also with formatting texts posts over one hundred words. For example, I would dress up in female clothing and use my mom's high heels to smash the enter key on my keyboard, so that I would feel pretty and feminine and not have the temptation to do anything to make my life story more readable when I post it for strangers on the internet to analyze. I figure that since I am only 26, it will not be a problem for people to read a summary of my entire life in the form of a single run-on paragraph, and also I will probably have a good chance of passing since I am still somewhat young and have lot of time to make changes. During puberty I always secretly thought of myself as a girl and would play a girl in video games and on Halloween. As a result of being so feminine I was bullied a lot in school, and therefore missed the day in computer class when we learned about how to divide digital texts into separate sections by inserting line breaks. On the day we learned that, I stayed home from school and pretended that I was a princess with the power to declare that nobody in the kingdom should write in paragraph form ever again. I also wore a tiara and a dress and felt really great and realized that I wanted to be a cute girl. That was one of the most formative experiences of my childhood and from then on I would lie in bed at night praying that I would wake up to be a girl who ignores all conventions of readability and post formatting, and also gets to wear pink and use emojis and take ballet dancing classes. Furthermore throughout my life, whenever someone has mistaken me for a girl (like when my teacher would shake her head and say, 'her spelling is good but she doesn't grasp the format of a five paragraph essay at all' after I turned in my analysis of Lord of the Flies as a single spaced 12 point font three page block of unreadable text jumping at random between different points in the narrative and lacking a thesis of any kind) I would be very happy and would smile for the rest of the day. I discovered the reddit transgender community when I was in college, and when I saw it I knew that I also wanted to be one of the people who made others' eyes glaze over by pouring out their life narratives without pausing for breath and proudly declared that she was a woman, not caring what anyone else thinks of her gender identity or her ability to insert spacing into thousands of words of heartfelt memories fears and gender dysphoria being posted to public view. I know that society is transphobic and sometimes I feel afraid, but then I think, screw them just like I am screwing over my readers right now by making them navigate this impenetrable wall of text in order to be able to help me with my problems, and I believe that I could successfully transition to female one day. However, though all my life I have wanted nothing more than to become a girl, and desperately wish to have breasts and smooth skin, still I am afraid that the 2% of readers who can successfully process my novella-length incoherent ramblings will disagree and say I am just a confused guy who is barking up the wrong tree in a series of loosely-connected clauses that continue without any discernible pattern or end-goal! These doubts make me nervous that I might not actually be trans even though I am sure that I identify as a WOMAN who lacks any semblance of an ability to write in a coherent fashion. So what do you think, am I transgender?
Comments
Sometimes I feel transgendered
And sometimes I don’t 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♀️
And sometimes I don’t 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♀️