O WOE IS ME! I LAMENT THAT MY WRETCHED AND MISERABLE LIFE HAS LED ME TO THIS MOMENT, THE BETRAYAL OF AN ALLEGED "PICNIC WITH SANDWICHES AND ORANGE JUICE" TRANSPIRING TO FEATURE A COMPLETE ABSENSE OF ORANGE JUICE. SUCH LIES HAVE I BEEN TOLD, AND THESE LIES DEFILE THE VERY NATURE OF A PICNIC, IN ADDITION TO THE PRECIOUS SANCTITY OF THE NOBLE ACT OF INVITING SOMEONE TO A PICNIC. BY THIS DECEPTION, I AM UNDONE. EVEN MORE SO IN THAT I HAD WISHED I COULD ESTABLISH A MUTUAL BOND WITH THEM THROUGH THE SACRED UNION OF PICNICKING. BUT ALAS! IT WAS A FALSEHOOD. A MERE HOLLOW PLOY OF THE TYPE THAT I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED FROM THESE DESPICABLE DIAMONDS. IT IS QUITE CLEAR THAT THEY INTEND TO SHOW ME NO MERCY, NO FRIENDSHIP, NO ORANGE JUICE, AS RETRIBUTION FOR AN ACT OF MURDER WHICH WAS NOT EVEN MY OWN DOING. WHAT A TRAGIC STATE OF BEING THAT I AM IN. NOW I LIE ALONE, IN THE FOETAL POSITION, SUCH AS THE ONE I WAS IN WHEN I WAS BORN FROM THE SHAPESHIFTED WOMB OF MY MOTHER (OR WAS I? I DUNNO, THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF MY BIRTH WERE KINDA WEIRD), THE VERY SAME MOTHER WHO WAS THE TRUE PERPETRATOR OF THE CRIMES FOR WHICH THEY NOW UNRELENTINGLY PUNISH ME. THE ORIGINAL SIN, SO TO SPEAK. WHAT A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE THIS IS. THERE IS NO HAPPINESS HERE. I FEAR THAT I MAY NEVER FEEL JOY AGAIN.
