So there I was in the McDonalds bathroom just finished taking a poop in their single toilet restroom (it had 2 urinals) I reach for the toilet paper only to find out with great dismay that there was none left to be used. Naturally, I thought "well I'll just squat walk out the stall and over to the sink and use a paper towel." So that's what I did, only to find out that it was the most evil handwashing station ever designed: paperless. So now I'm panicking. I waddle back into the stall to think my predicament through. It was a very messy shit so just saying "fuck it" wasnt an option. I looked around the stall and in the corner stood a lone, beat up trashcan. I muster up the courage to peak inside... see if there was any used pieces in that maybe weren't very used. I find it is filled with shit covered diapers and equally as shitty wetwipes plastered against the walls of the poor can. I shut it and sat back on the toilet trying to grapple with the fact that it was looking more and more likely I was going to gave to wipe with my hands, and i hadn't eaten yet. Then I notice it, glistening and nailed to the wall like a plastic jesus, a baby changing station. I know that they usually carry spare paper towels to help combat babies' out of diaper pee attacks. For the last time I stood up, hunched over, butt cheeks apart, and scuttled to the diaper station and ALAS! PAPER TOWELS! I triumphantly grabbed a handful and flopped back to the toilet to finally finish my business. Used what I needed and left the rest on the back of the toilet so the next guy wouldn't run the risk of making a less fortunate decision. And that's the story of how I, Mark, conquered the McDonalds bathroom.
