~ HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK
Sep 11, 2018
- Phase 1:
If the bear sees you in your human form you're undoubtedly screwed, so what you need to do is cover yourself in Nutella in order to convince the bear that your one of them. Your disguise won't be perfect so the bear will probably be a little weary. Don't run of as this will set off the bear and it will kill you, instead try to become best friends with the bear. After awhile the bear will become accustomed to you, this is were you have a hand at your first assassination attempt. The method you'll probably want to use is asphyxiation. If all goes well it ends there, but if the bear notices you before you can take him out, you will have to convince the bear that you were only trying to hug it. If you're lucky the bear will fall for it, but the problem is you're going to have to convince the bear that you genuinely love it. So you best prepare for a long string of dates.
The first date is the most vital one. I'd recommend buying a bouquet of flower and swooning the bear with your repertoire of bear puns. After awhile the bear will probably want to move in with you. If you dare decline the bear will most likely murder you, so it's vital that you accept. Now it's about time you meet the bear's parents. It's very important that you make a really good first impression for if the bears parents don't like you at all, they're are fully obligated to murder you in your sleep. After a few more months together living with your bear companion it's about time you propose to the bear. Gather up all the bear shekels you can find to buy a ring and fund the wedding. After you and your bear companion get married you're ready to begin preparations the second assassination attempt.
To get started you must convince your bear companion to have a kid. If you succeed you'll have to wait nine months for your son to be born. After the nine months are complete you should immediately start training your son to kill, training him in the art of the blade will be crucial to the plan. After completion of his mastery of the blade is when you send your son to kill the bear, if your son fails to sneak up on the bear, the bear will unleash its final form. Luckily you trained you son in the art of the blade so it has the ability to take on the bear. After countless hours of fighting your son will most likely become Victorious. Your sons body won't be able to take the strains of sword mastery and his soul will leave his body.
(Repeat for every bear)
Leave a comment