I want to tell you my story. For a few months I have been reading many blogs of your stories with various people on the web. And thinking of mine. But I have been feeling for a few weeks that it went a bit unnoticed. And since it also happens to me outside of this. I thought that I may be doing wrong. And I think that today I have found the reason, since I have wanted to cry, dizziness and even nausea. Most of you will not know me and that is because I am a very reserved person, I do not trust people and my trust is very difficult to have. I don't like people to know that I like it, that I hate, if I am well or I feel bad. If something excites me or disappoints me. And I think everything is in an episode of my life in which I suffered pedophilia.
All of this happened when I was 12 years old. Now I am 25. I was at a time in my life, when I had no father since I never knew him. And my mother was married to my stepfather, who hated me for my sexual orientation, along with not being his biological son and anything he did not do in his own way was a reason to mistreat me until I bleed from the nose, or catch me by the neck. On the other hand, my mother was dominated by this monster. He kicked her out of the room so he can't stop the beating and cheated on her with other women. To this we add that his grandparents. They told them that they couldn't take care of me anymore since it gave them a lot of work and the best thing was to leave me alone at home 8 hours a day.
At this time when I was left alone, it was when I decided when I was 12 years old. Get into contact pages and find someone who would like me. I found a "young" boy who was looking for someone "young". We talk and we stay. But when we met in person under my house, he was 32 years old. He decided that we should go up to my house and it is true that I did not know how to say no, I was alone with no one to lean on. I tried to show him the house as if he were an adult and that he decided to leave. But I end up lying in bed, starting to touch myself and take off my clothes. It was something unknown to me and I could not say that not being alone at home and with everything that was on the news. So I shut up and let everything happen. As you can imagine she did everything possible in a sexual relationship and I did not dare to protest. The moment he finished and went to wash, I felt like a piece of meat without feelings, without voice, without personality. And which prostitute I took money from his wallet. Finally he left but kept writing to me, calling and even passing the car under my house. Finally he got bored and disappeared. But I never dared to denounce since it was the word of a man of 32 against a problematic boy of 12, which was what I felt.
Finally, I want to tell it somewhere, since today, I think that it unintentionally affects me in my love and personal relationships. I am not sexual, I do not like people to see any kind of feeling in me. And many times I neither try to relate to people or it did not matter why I am aware that I do not let myself be known, I let someone know a cold, edge, dry person, without any feeling. And I know I have to talk to my environment, and I will, 13 years have been enough to prepare me. And enough to talk to my mother who knows nothing today. I am sorry all the text, but if you have come this far, thank you very much for reading and letting me vent. And sorry if I often try to grab someone's attention, but deep down I know that everything is due to my insecurity and underestimating myself in front of anyone.
