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Big Brother and online Hunger games.

I’m so tired

Apr 8, 2020 by Kob3Sm1th
I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown for no reason...and I want it all to stop.

I’m so scared, and I don’t like to admit it...but I look at my mom and she’s never remarried and she lives alone and is struggling during these quarantine times. I make sure to call her everyday, but she cried today cuz she’s lonely and it fucking broke my heart.

My dad lives with his girlfriend of 20 years just for financial reasons, really. They are friends, but they aren’t in love anymore.

I don’t want to end up alone, but I feel myself gravitating in that direction. I have stopped taking care of myself and I’ve been drinking/smoking a lot more lately. I honestly hate myself sometimes and wish I could channel my high school self, but it’s so damn hard.

I feel like all my friends have intense passions, which is great, but I don’t. My job pays fine, but I am tired of doing something I don’t care about. All I really care about is my relationships I’ve made with all the people I love, but I only have a few left where I live. I’m just scared that I’ll live the next 40-60 years of my life like my parents.

I know this rant was really disorganized. I’m sorry.

Comments

aint nothin wrong with going thru a rough patch! it'll get better
Sent by BengalBoy,Apr 8, 2020
ugh i'm sorry to hear you're going through this :(

i think right now with quarantine we're all trapped and bored and have alot of spare time to over think things and just create scenarios and freak ourselves out for no reason

as long as you have a positive mindset all good things will gravitate towards you. i know it's hard cause i've been there plenty of times but as soon as your mood changes so will your life. don't let your negative thoughts control you
Sent by jenzie,Apr 8, 2020
So sorry to hear that - I think none of us are in an ideal situation right now

I'm sure it will get better, if you ever need someone to speak to then just hmu!
Sent by xCelestex,Apr 8, 2020
Ive had my moments of this so i know how scary it can be feeling like youre not on the right path and have so much you want to be able to do for people. Things will get better though, the feeling might not go away completely or forever but you’ll figure out how to manage those feelings better and be able to compromise what you want to do with what you have to do in the present moment and things will become more manageable it will just take time. If you ever need anything dont be afraid to reach out, you got this!!
Sent by mikec51,Apr 8, 2020
bengalboy jenzie xcelestex mikec51 y’all are good people. Thanks guys
Sent by Kob3Sm1th,Apr 8, 2020
Hang in there mate, you're going through what we all go through from time to time, it's the part of adulthood nobody prepares us for. But, this too shall pass, and you'll find happiness once again.
Sent by BigJoeFrimodt,Apr 8, 2020
Kob3Sm1th

Hey man don't apologize at all for the rant! I can't even imagine what you've probably went through, but I think the key with this is to keep your head up no matter what. Life itself is so fucking hard and I think everybody can vouch for that. We all have our individual challenges but I think no matter what problem occurs, a common denominator is that being hopeful and holding on to hope is always a good thing to have during dark times! BUT doing that is so hard and I've been super down, super stressed and super emotional over different challenges in my life. From those past experiences, sometimes I look back and I'm like why was I worried or I shouldn't have been that stressed etc etc. But in the heat of the moment it's so fucking terrifying. Even if you've been trending towards a negative side, I think the saying "it's too late" is a lie and it's really never too late. I'm hella confident that you'll overcome this feeling and achieve what you wanna achieve. Don't be afraid of taking risks and I think our minds often play tricks on us and make stuff seem a lot worse than it actually is. Also the fact that you are worried about your life is already a good thing because you WANT to change stuff, and that feeling WANTING is the first step to the actual CHANGE :)

Hopefully you feel better bro! You're a great guy.
Sent by JasonXtreme,Apr 8, 2020
I ended up having a breakdown which ended up getting me put in the hospital the same day and on medication and therapy. Therapy changed my life!!!!!!!

everyone has rough days, weeks, months, or however long the darkness stays. and this sounds absolutely insane I KNOW because I thought so too. but you need to learn to accept whatever emotion you are feeling as good. Embrace having this dark time because it will make you appreciate the good times so much more. Think of each negative thought you have as if you were watching someone on the TV say it to someone else. You can hear the thought, you know what it means, you know its intention, but then you move on to the next thought. Rumminating on the same thoughts over and over will keep you in a bad mental space.

Try writing down all of the things in your life you're grateful for. EVEN THINGS THAT SEEMS SILLY. Like good shows on Netflix or whatever you're into :) It creates a really nice feeling of euphoria inside you and can help lead to some hope for the future.

Most importantly, know you are never alone! This is a lot and I'm sorry!! I just hate other people feeling how you do, because I know exactly what you're going through, and you are a strong and beautiful person and will come out on the other side. <33333333
Sent by shyannemystik,Apr 8, 2020
JasonXtreme Thanks man! I really appreciate your kind words. It just scares me because I think I've finally hit my low point...Like I used to deal w/ pretty bad depression when I was in middle school, due to family issues, but high school and college really helped. But now that I'm seeing the real world clearly, I'm just nervous that I'll never be where I want to be. Luckily, I do have an incredible support system in my life between my family and friends. It's what keeps me going, so I try to focus the majority of my time on them :) thanks again for the advise! You're a great guy too.
Sent by Kob3Sm1th,Apr 9, 2020
Bigjoefrimodt thanks man, I appreciate it!

Shyannemystik I've actually never tried therapy....I'm not necessarily sure it's for me (Although I must say I've been curious). I've had my fair share of prescription drugs, that don't help all too much, but I find the biggest help for me is through building secure and healthy relationships with people. Luckily I've learned how to get rid of toxic people in my life, which is a good step :) thanks for your sharing your story, as it gives me hope :) hope you're doing well!
Sent by Kob3Sm1th,Apr 9, 2020

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