*clears throat* So, Snorlax is my favorite pokémon, has been my favorite pokémon since the little vermin were smuggled over to the States from the nation of Japan. Now, I have been playing Pokémon Go off and on (mostly off) since it exploded that crazy summer, in July of 2016 and have NEVER run into a wild Snorlax. Never expected to. They are big, fat, tired, and rare...JUST LIKE I AM. Some of you may know that I travel for work and was recently dwelling in a VERY rural, but historic area of NC. As there was not much else to do there, I began to walk through the historic district of the town a lot, and figured I could hatch some of the old-ass rotten eggs I had been incubating for over a year or so. I scrolled through my phone and opened the Pokémon Go app, just to see what was up.Well, wouldn't you know that, it being a historic town, there were just a shit TON of Pokéstops in every direction, and my Airbnb was sandwiched RIGHT BETWEEN two of them. No fucking kidding, I could spin the floaty orbs of bounty and get loot FROM MY BED. Fast-forward, one morning I awoke and could feel an energy shift in the room. I heard a faint, but powerful intake of breath, followed by a stream of warm, stale air. Although I had passed some gas (from both ends) upon arousing from my beauty sleep, this was something far greater. A Snorlax was near. I reached hurriedly for my phone, opened the app, and low and behold, there it was. The most beautiful waste of carbon I had ever seen. I was enamored, obsessed, and fool-hardy. I threw every Pokéball and berry I had at the bountiful beast, with reckless abandon...but, alas, it proved futile. That wonderful mound of melatonin rebuked all my advances, parried every advance, smote my one and only P-GO dream, and fled into the dewey morning light. My white whale. My Moby Dick.