Just bought black :D
7thMay 13, 2012
- i hate that i can't have fun
i hate that i can't love things
i hate that i can't go anywhere i want because of crippling anxiety
i hate that i can't get out of my bed some days while others are out doing downtown, visiting cute coffeeshops, meeting beautiful people
i hate that i hate me
i hate that i want to die
i hate that i will never be able to be like everyone else
Im gonna kill myself
Im done with the world.
Im done with life.
Im done with everyone constantly calling me a guy
Im done with having people hate me for no reason
Im done with people just trying to make my life miserable
This is completely serious. I have my blades right here.
I wish I was dead
Please kill me
no one likes me
this blog will be minused ='(
I've honestly never been on a website with such trash. The fact that it is 2015 and you think it's OKAY to say the fucking n word, it's a disgrace. And taking my words out of context? Yes, it should have been worded differently but that's obviously not what I meant. Let's also keep in mind the same people who have hated me for years are the ones trashing me and "finding" all this stuff.
The "n" word should NEVER be used. It doesn't matter what skin color you are. And for a WHITE person to use it, it's sick and disgusting. I study this for a living as race relations is part of women, gender, and sexuality studies. White privilege does exist. Minorities get treated like sh!t on a day to day basis. We all know the n word is a racist term, yet it's okay to say it if you're not around black people? Let's re-think that everyone. As an activist, I do not stand for such disgusting behavior on a website and do not wish to be part of this racist and non-accepting "community" anymore. Just imagine if people said the "f" word in front of you EVERY day and how that would make you feel?
There are a few people I would like to say goodbye to before I leave & these are the people who always have my back regardless of the situation.
@: You know how I feel about you. You are such a great person inside and out. I love you. Add me on facebook to keep in contact. You will ALWAYS be my #1 in and out of this site.
@: Thank you for having my back. Je t'aime < 33
@ as a fellow activist you know how this behavior is disgusting. You will go far in life Will. I know you have no idea where that may be as of now, but you're a great guy and ily
@: My baby. You are FIERCE as fuck. Hope you stay that way my dear.
@: Shyanne you know how much I love you. Never forget it.
@: J'adore < 33
@ I miss you. Hit me up on facebook or skype :)
@ I miss you as well. You're a great girl!
@ you are hawt inside and out < 33
@ even though we may disagree, you know I've always been there for you.
@ you know how I feel.
@ Amazing woman inside and out
@ & @: You will win stars one day.
@ and @ stay as you are.
@ ily noah
@ stay hawt.
GOODBYE TENGAGED :)
The sad moment when you realize how alone you actually are. No one ever messages you on TG first or texts you first or anything. So it gets to the point where you don’t want to put in the effort with people who don’t put in any effort for you, so you end up spending your life at home, never going anywhere.
With all of these offensive words, I've been getting a lot of suicidal thoughts recently from this website, but I've decided not to blog about it because I feel like people would hate me for it
To whoever is doing this, please stop or I will kill myself irl, I'm starting to feel worthless
Sorry y'all for my blogs...
I know I am not interesting, funny, or good-looking. I may be a boring person and have nothing amazing to share. I struggle everyday due to my low self-esteem. I am not really a confident person, but I am trying to be a better person everyday. I may have a lot of flaws and have a lot to work to grow individually as a person. If you think I should stop blogging please let me know, and I won't waste your time anymore. Thanks and have a great week
If you are reading this, I am probably dead
I want to make everyone happy ♥ ♥ and the world is much better place without me ♥ ♥
I've been so down, man..I've not been myself for such a while. I feel unclean and it's a horrible and gut wrenching feeling. It pounds like a drum in my chest, and right when I'm ready for the big finale and to finally open my eyes forever into the silence of death, it rests itself down, and goes back to normal. But what if I didn't want it to go back to normal....what if I wanted to die....then why can't that happen...life sucks so why I am I forced to keep waking up to more life, when life just spits at me? I hate everything and everyone most days, and even hating myself in the mirror whenever I look at myself. I feel like everything is hopeless and that nothing ever works out the way it's planned. I just....I just honestly feel like I don't even wanna live anymore. Life is so hard and it's so hard to find people to depend on, but I can't take going it alone. I just....ugh. I don't wish to live anymore.
So what? I am not blogging for attention, I am blogging to escape, and to express myself. I want my pain to be gone, and it just increases.
I don't need people to pretend to understand what I feel. I just need to feel like someone out there cares.
For anyone thinking I am suicidal, I hope I never reach that point, I just wouldn't mind dying whenever God is ready for me.
So this blog is actually easy for me to write about. I have moved passed all the crying and sadness. Dont read this if you don't want to or if you think this is for attention. This is just to let anyone who wants to know, know. And to start off, no this is not fake. And no, this is not a plea for help.
I've made a lot of mistakes. Over the past few months I have been having depression and last week, it turned into suicidal thoughts. I was ready to kill myself until a user on this site changed that. Only two people care about me and I care about them. At this point those two users know who they are. The fact is, I have no friends irl, nor a life. And I have a few family members that would be sad about this.
I made so many mistakes over the last week. The first was telling people I was suicidal. It turned my best friends against me. People I cared about most, people on this site and others that I cherished in my life. I wanted to make my peace with them and in doing so, they turned against me, and hated me for doing so. I realize now that no one truly cares about me and the few people I care about are slipping away because of how I feel.
Emotions and feelings are so wrong. At least mine are. I don't like feeling love or hate, or fear or anxiety. Compassion and caring has turned into sorrow and sadness. That shouldn't be the way life works. That is the biggest reason for this. It's because the only way to get rid of my feelings are to destroy my body.
I may not be the most well known person on tengaged, nor the most known depressed person. No one really gives two shits about what happens. Now that saddens me. Do I wish people cared? Sometimes yes. But it makes this decision so easy. I am so happy in knowing that I will have no more pain. No more worries. No more feelings or emotions, and no one can hate me.
If you have made it to this part, congrats. I honestly blame no one but myself for how I feel. Yes I may feel certain things about certain people that I have met but it is my feelings that have hurt me, not the way everyone else feels about me. I find peace in knowing that I leave nothing behind. Not being able to hurt anyone. And I am okay with that.
If I could have one wish, it would be to have people smile for me. I feel like I have hurt those I love most and I am sure you know who you are.
As for this site, this is obviously my final day.
TL;DR. None of the above is important. As it is about me, and I am going to be gone, thus it is meaningless.
Good bye :)
I hate living. I just don't care. If I had a gun right now I'd put it in my mouth and pull the trigger until I wasn't pulling the trigger
I feel suicidal again.
so just ignore me. I feel like I can never meet someone's requirement. I feel like I've been looked down on, cuz everytime you say something, it feels like you're judging my past. I'm sorry for having such a wild and foolish past, which I regret myself. I'm sorry I can't make you believe I've changed, to be a better person. I'm sorry for my existence.
no one wakes up in the morning and thinks to himself, "i'm so excited to see him today!"
no one sits around and waits for me to text back
no one's first thought when they're happy or something good happens is to text me
no one asks me to call them when i get home
no one cares enough to tell me, "no, not another drink"
my mom would rather spend time with my brother and my dad loves my sister more than life itself
i am no one's best friend, i am not the love of anyone's life, i'm not anyone's favorite student. i'm not anyone's person. people care about me, sure, but i'm no one's favorite. there is not a single person that values me above all the rest and that hurts.
i'm just another friend, another face to blend into the crowd. i'm no one special or important and it makes me want to cry. i'm not my best friend's best friend. i'm not my favorite professor's favorite. i'm not my person's person and it's fucking miserable.
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