I think I've learned something awful about myself tonight
Sep 20, 2017
- It feels a lot like I fuck up all the time, but most of it I learn to live with. But what I've really noticed is that whenever I know I royally fucked up, I tend to try to get as far from the where and the how I've fucked up as I can get. I try and figure out what I can do or where I can go to help me deal with myself because it's the only way I know how to deal with what I've done that isn't self-injurious. I don't give a second thought as to who might be worried about me until I am well away from my mistakes because I always feel that at first, no one will even care that I'd be gone. And it never seems to matter what I might be getting myself into afterwards as long as I am trying to cool down. I could be walking for hours on end during the middle of the night, and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference.
Maybe later I'll regret I made this blog, but for now, fuck it. I know I am far from perfect. Hell, I wouldn't even call myself a good person half the time, and I know my mind isn't always in the right place at the right time. But this is just the way I deal with myself when I am at my worst.
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