So 2015 was a crazy year. I found out in that May I had a sports hernia. In July I had surgery. There was the typical life assessment that goes on before one goes under the knife. ...and I must honestly say that I found myself thinking the world may actually be better without me in it. I've got an average job with excellent benefits. My life, accidental death and dismemberment, and retirement would pay out about a quarter Million to my kid (I thought that before the surgery. AD&D doesn't payout for death related to surgery ((just so you know) Still, money.). Anyway, obviously, I didn't die. I had a really light class load in the fall (still 2015, I'm getting to 2016 shortly) and, finding myself underwhelmed for once, I didn't take the opportunity afforded by my self-appraisal to improve my life, rather, went on a huge bender. The fall of 2015 found me out at the strip clubs about three nights a week, and disgustingly, and regrettably, driving drunk very frequently. Late October I realized on some level that I was being EXTREMELY stupid, but my partying had become compulsive. I was having a lot of fun, but feared I was going to end up in jail. I also feared the possibly of killing someone in an accident in that process.
Finally in January last year I quit drinking. It wasn't the first time I'd done this. I quit once for six years in the '00s. I substituted an unhealthy relationship for my crutch back then and didn't really learn anything in that process. I'm not a big dater, but I swore off dating for a year, as well, and decided to focus on myself. I basically put together an outpatient program for myself by going to a psychiatrist every 3 months and a psychologist every two weeks. I began to learn that I was blind to a lot of the truth around me: That I was proud where I thought myself humble; scared where I thought myself angry; that I was a misogynist; and also that people, me included, weren't all pieces of shit (just to name a few of my revelations). I've become an even better father, ex-husband/son-in-law, brother, son, ... a better person all around. Every day wasn't a ten. Some days were pretty shitty. ...but on the bad days learned to say, "Okay this is a one, how can I bump it up to a two?" I learned that a lifetime of pursuing happiness is more likely to be successful if that happiness comes as a result of fulfillment, and not contentment through indulgence. All of the things I should have learned the first time I quit drinking I learned in the last twelve months. I've had a severe cold last three days, so I'm not feeling good, but I'm positive I just had the best year of my life.
My hopes for 2017? More of the same. Feeling really alive for the first time in my life. Like I'm steering the boat, and not being carried by the current (although it's nice to chill and go with the flow sometimes :)). My HOPE for 2017 is a Daft Punk 2017 live tour. They had two epic tours in '97 and '07. Daft Punk is all about cycles, so it would seem this would happen. Some are nervous that it won't, since they haven't put out a new album since 2013, but they put out an album every four years, so it is still possible. Wikipedia shows no buzz about an upcoming album. They have recently collaborated with The Weekend so they are still active. Please Alive '17? I'm including their mix of "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger/Around the World/Steam Machine." People who know more about music than I do say it is possible they could put the album out in late summer and start the tour in November sometime. Time is running out though so we'll see. If it does happen I'm going even if I have to travel to Europe to see it (Alive 2007 is one of the best albums ever, in my humble opinion). I also hope to finish my Master's in May with a 4.0. This is depending on my finding an internship very soon. I could do the internship anytime between now and November/December. If I graduated in May, though, I could have a much better job by the end of the year.
ANYWAY, I'm just writing this because I've been excited about all my success, but especially in having gave up alcohol for a whole year on January 12th. I wanted to wait before I publicly put it out there, because I was a daily drinker and I feared I would go back to it. I seem to have really gained some traction though. Also I suck at keeping up with people and don't often open up to everybody on 'gaged. So I felt this would catch my friends up and also put a little more of the "real" me out there. I know sobriety is for "quitters," but I can assure you the world is a MUCH better place when I'm not drinking in it.
Hope 2017 brings me as much good fortune as 2016 did. I am a very lucky person and have done nothing to deserve the life I'm living right now. Silas and I used to drink everyday together. Why am I alive and moving forward while he passed away? Life isn't fair. I just bring this up because you never know what a new year could bring, and you never know what bullet you dodged in the previous year. I loved Silas like my brother and think of him often while I'm going about my business.
