Hey, hi, hello, my musique queens. Are you ready for tonights critiques? First of all, I want to apologize about the delay to post the results, weekends are usually busy for me since I spend almost all of them drunk. But, before we get it started, please welcome our special extra guest judge cheritaisdelicious! She also wants to say something to you guys:
#cheritaisdelicious: Okay for a preface, I just want to say this is lowkey funny because I HATE the type of music the majority of the people on here listen to, and so like...you all sent songs you think suit me, but as a heads up, I will hate most of them and complain about everything! Yay!
So, when I call your name, please step forward: Brandonator... Lukesaur... _Matt... konohavillage1... Midiaw...and ponga! You all represent the tops and the bottoms of the episode.
The rest of you are safe, you may go back to the Gerusa's Illusions Lounge and here are your critiques: boyfriend ━━ Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats ‘’Big Titties feat. Baauer and EarthGang’’ ━━ Wow. This song is the B.O.M.B dot COM. You got me imagining it as if it was playing in a real Gerusical and cherita would be lip syncing it with the rappers being her back vocalists. The final product would definitely be something really fierce and even funny for the dynamism of the whole show. I also have to give you credits for bringing cherita’s Big Titties signature.
#cheritaisdelicious: Lmaooooo this song is honestly funny as hell and has some kind of amazing lines. “I could hit the cookie right and make your body curl up. Got the pussy purring, cat calling to me.” This song doesn’t really seem to fit anything with the theme, but I mean, you kind of captured my essence with the title, so I appreciate that, thank you for recognizing that my big titties are in fact my best personality trait.
Hunty ━━ Doja Cat ‘’Candy’’ ━━ This song is giving me some nice vibes. I had never heard it before and I really like it, it reminded me of Rihanna’s old vocals. However, your strongest aspect towards the theme is the lyrics, because I was expecting, sonically speaking, something with powerful beats and that made me think of cherita as someone walking in the workroom and saying: ‘’Hey, I didn’t come to play, I came to slay!.’’ But you’re serving me some sexy/confident vibes for sure.
#cheritaisdelicious: Okay this is someone who literally I have only even heard of because of tengaged. I can honestly tell you this is not something I would listen to on my own, like, ever, but it’s also not bad. The music is kind of good, the beat sorta has a sexy sound, and while it gets a little repetitive at times, I do like the chorus about candy and it says cherry a bunch of times. I am sweet like candy, this is true. Then you would fucking pop up and be like KNOW THAT IT AIN’T REAL CHERRY. Bitch HUNTY.
tswiftlover13 ━━ Demi Lovato ‘’Confident’’ ━━ Personally, I’m not a big fan of Demi Lovato. However, this song definitely suits what I proposed for tonight’s theme. Although you’re following the assignments I want you to push harder at your musical research so you can impress me and have your name on the top 3 list. Remember that competition is already running its course and the more people we eliminate, the harder it gets!
#cheritaisdelicious: Well I know who Demi is at least, don’t really listen to them much though, haven’t heard this one before. It’s kinda like...the edgy side of basic pop, I guess? It’s not like bubblegum at all, and she’s very much like I’M FUCKING IN CHARGE HERE, IT’S MY RULES. The lyrics are good. What IS wrong with being confident? Oh no, I’m confident, that’s not a fucking crime, fuck off. This is my world. T.ears I actually kind of like this? No one is more surprised than me.
Eoin ━━ Beyoncé ‘’Diva’’ ━━ Heya Shan Rock! Diva is one of my favourite songs by Bey along with the whole I AM… SASHA FIERCE album, so you’re definitely earning some points here with this choice. It’s pretty clear that this song fits this episode’s theme but I also have to say that this choice is super duper safe because when I hear the word ‘’diva’’ this song is one of the first things that comes to my mind and what I want for my girly girls here in my competition is to go BEYOND the expected. That being said, Diva is a must-have song in cherita’s Gerusical.
#cheritaisdelicious: I’m CRYING. I sort of hate Beyonce. Like she’s talented but idk, I’ve always thought she was super overhyped and whatever. I do like a handful of songs, and some really old Destiny’s Child stuff. This song I have always found annoying as hell. Fun fact, the first time I heard this song, I thought the beginning just said “I’m a fucking ho” over and over. Okay so like...I can’t dispute that I am diva as fuck, so...I guess that fits. But fuck this is so annoying lmfao the repeated I’m a diva part over and over and over, and there are only a few lines I actually like, for the most part this song is just...kinda dumb to me personally, but I can see how some basic bitches would find it EMPOWERING.
spinfur ━━ ILIRA ‘’DO IT YOURSELF’’ ━━ I must confess that this episode I’m not thrilled at all about your song choice although I really like the lyrics talking about being an independent and strong woman just like cherita. The problem is that I’m getting ‘’princess discovering her new kingdom for the first time’’ vibes from this and as far I’m concerned, cherita already has her own kingdom solidified.
#cheritaisdelicious: Never heard of this person before. Dear God, this is pop as fuck, I hate it. I am CRYING at having to listen to this, this is the complete OPPOSITE of what I listen to for fun. Dear God, she keeps la la la-ing. This is torture. She loves herself, I’ll give her that. I love myself too, like a lot. Oh, now she is talking about touching herself. Is this song about masturbating, like she can give herself the best orgasm? I mean...I get it, I don’t disagree :p. I guess TECHNICALLY it fits thematically, but like...as a song, it was so horrible and I never wanna hear it again lmfao.
mathboy9 ━━ Janet Jackson ‘’Someone to Call My Lover’’ ━━ I love this song and it’s already clear to me that your taste level is amazing. And like I said to Lukesaur, you both tried to come out with an outside of the box performance tonight, which is hard for me to judge when there’s a majority following the assignments and representing cherita as this empowered woman even though I know that her love life is an amazing side to explore in a Gerusical.
#cheritaisdelicious: T.ears, you are someone in the cast I have actually discussed music with a bit, so like...my one tiny hope that maybe someone would send something I actually kind of liked. This...no, what? Come on, even if you wanted to go with the looking for love theme, there has to be better choices. The ONLY thing this song has going for it is it’s so old (like me) and I remember being in high school when this came out. So...nostalgia, I guess? I forgot this existed though. This is...not something I would listen to at all. Your explanation is cute I guess, but...just no haha. This isn’t working for me, at all.
Well, now, here's what we have to say to the rest of the queens standing before me:
Brandonator ━━ Ivy Levan ‘’Biscuit’’ ━━ I have already heard this song before but I must confess that I never gave it’s proper attention. And by giving that attention tonight… Girl! This song is the perfect choice for the main act of ‘’The Gerusical: Cherita IS Delicious’’. It is a pop track with a rock’n’roll energy, strong vocals that reminded me of a mix of Christina Aguilera and Porcelain Black and it also has the funniest content possible that is totally cherita. Nice call Brandon!
#cheritaisdelicious: I’m crying. Clearly none of you have met me before, I’m on the last song and I can honestly say NONE of these are songs I’d listen to by choice. This song seems like a mashup of styles to me, but I am too tired to analyze that. Her voice doesn’t match the music for me. Okay so...I promise I would never tell someone to kiss my biscuit on account of I’m not a trashy southern bitch, but like...the SENTIMENT behind the line kind of works. I get it, she’s bossy and confident, so am I...but ugh, I hate this lmao.
_Matt ━━ Clooney ‘’The Party's Here (feat. R.C.)’’ ━━ I loved this. It’s definitely a great pop track and we cannot deny it. My biggest problem with your choice is that I don’t see cherita’s persona as the party-girl type of queen (a type of personality you can easily find in other Tengaged characters, almost like a 2000’s Paris Hilton). So, I have to say that what you’re serving me today is a little bit off the assignment proposed.
#cheritaisdelicious: I hate everything about this <3. I think I’ve heard this one before. I don’t listen to party music, I actually listen to music that makes most people wanna cry and or fall asleep. Dance music is a no for me. She’s confident and fun, I mean like...I guess my personality is a party, kind of? Cherry is here, the party’s here. Ugh this is so fucking annoying. It gives me 80’s vibes too, which is like my least favorite music decade. I get it, I’m fun, I’m a party, is this horrible song over yet? Help, I am being tortured.
Lukesaur ━━ Summer Walker ‘’I'll Kill You (Feat. Jhene Aiko)’’ ━━ I totally get that you’re trying to show me another side of cherita with this song choice (her love life at the website) but to make one think clear, I’m really strict when it comes to judging through the lens of the theme and based on that, your song choice don’t make much sense to me even though the song is kinda cool. You had a great start and I want to see episode 01 Lukesaur coming back from the dead.
#cheritaisdelicious: Lmaoooo at your note. Okay so you actually sent a slow song, which I appreciate as a break from the dance party shit other people sent, but I’m not really a big R&B person, at least not current stuff, I like some good 90s R&B though. Honestly...NOTHING about this song seems to fit the description Gery gave you guys, and nothing about this makes me think of myself. If you were gonna deviate from girl power you should have snuck in some indie rock or something, not a love song where she talks about going to jail for her man. Do I have the personality of someone who would go to jail for a man? T.ears.
konohavillage1 ━━ Hi Fashion ‘’AMAZING’’ ━━ You clearly got back on the tracks this episode! This is such an iconic, gay and fun choice for cherita’s Gerusical. It definitely speaks cherita’s mind when it comes to being confident and not caring at all at what other people are trying to say about her or even the possibility of being disliked at Tengaged. She is amazing and she knows it.
#cheritaisdelicious: Oh it’s electronic, my favorite, she says, in her least sincere voice ever. Lmao ugh I am so torn on this. I HATE the way it sounds. Like...I electropop is a miss for me 90% of the time, and this has a robot voice singing on top of it, and that makes me hate it even more. BUT. The lyrics are actually kind of perfect. Like, I am fucking amazing, thank you. People don’t appreciate how amazing, and my attitude usually is like “fuck you, I’m amazing.” So I’d say lyrics wise, this is the best song by far. BUT I STILL REALLY HATE IT AND NEVER WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
ponga ━━ Lizzo ‘’Truth Hurts’’ ━━ I could judge you by the same perspective as Eoin and tswiftlover13 when it comes to already expected/safe choices BUT it’s undeniable that the whole Lizzo’s artist persona and the whole Truth Hurts song concept SCREAMS cheritaisdelicious. It’s fierce, it’s strong, talks about boy problems and overcoming it and the more important aspect: being a badass beyatch. Great episode for you, ponga!
#cheritaisdelicious: Oh I’ve heard this one before. I had this friend on here who was OBSESSED with her, and he was ranting about his boy troubles, and he was like CHERRY YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG, THE LYRICS ARE SO GOOD and I listened to it and was like … t.ears. Then I made him listen to Father John Misty. Sigh. Like...I can’t deny that I definitely have a “that bitch” personality, and I can admit some of these lyrics sort of fit, I am very much like tell me things to my face, and I’m not gonna be your fucking side bitch. But ugh I still would never listen to this song again unless I had to. But this is good for the theme.
Midiaw ━━ Dolly Style ‘’Cherry Gum’’ ━━ I totally get why you chose this song for Cherita’s gerusical. However, I must say that even though cherita likes to be called Cherry, her personality does not suit the whole kawaii, bubblegum and cute-ish vibe. I just wouldn’t see either myself or cherita choosing this song to play at her Gerusical even though it’d be ironically fun.
#cheritaisdelicious: And we’re back in bubblegum territory, literally. Please, just because a song has cherry in the name does not make it a fit! These lyrics don’t fit me...they don’t really fit anything, it’s literally a song about chewing gum? Maybe it’s code for oral sex, that can’t be all that is. Anyway, not feeling this like...at all. I know I like cutesy things like unicorns and cartoon cats so I see how part of my personality might lead people to think I like music like this, but like...I reallyyyy don’t, sorry.
Based on that, I've made some decisions: #Brandonator, you're safe... you may join the other girls...
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ponga, this episode you spoke the TRUTH and it didn't hurt a bit!...
konohavillage1, not only cherita's tits are amazing but also your song of choice this episode!...
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. #ponga, You are safe. #konohavillage1, Congratulations, you're the winner of this episode's challenge. You won a cash tip of 4 dollars and the physical version of MARINA'S new album!
Unfortunately, _Matt, Midiaw and Lukesaur... you are the bottom 3 of this episode... and all I can say is that _Matt... You are safe.
Two queens stand before me. Ladies, you had your chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination...
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. #Lukesaur: Shantay, you stay. #Midiaw, even though your cherry gum was sweet, it didn't popped for me... now, sashay away, my queen. AND LET THE MUSIC PLAY. Forever.
