Brandt awoke to a knock on his door. The sun crept around the corners of his blackout shades and the black holes of negativity around his eyes begged it to go away. He had heard a knock n the door. He slides out of bed and plants his feet firmly on the floor, almost as low as his self-esteem.
"Who could be calling at this hour?!" he wonders in his head. He also wonders if there is any food left in the fridge. He will get back to that one later.
Putting on a bathrobe the color of phlegm green, he traipsed to the door and flung it open. A young woman stood there with what could only be her sister, the latter of whom had pigtails going to her shoulders and dressed in a girl scout's outfit. She was holding up a green box of Thin Mints.
"Would you like to buy some cookies, sir?" she asked with a bright smile. He pondered her inquisitively for a second.
"You have autism," Brandt replied, slamming the door in her face. He turned around and decided it was time to re-acclimate his eyes to the sunlight of the world outside. The process took a grueling 27 minutes, and he did his best not to squint. When the blinds were open and the world was finally at his fingertips again, he sat down on his computer and got to work for the day.
Cracking his knuckles, he quickly set to work reading page after page of paparazzi reports on Halsey and the latest updates surrounding the race for an adequate treatment to multiple personality disorders. He checked Oxford Dictionary for another word to add to his lexicon, today's being "sputum," a mixture of saliva and mucus. It was fitting, as he was wondering what he was expelling from his mouth so often; he thought he just had an abscessed tooth from his lack of dental hygienist visitations.
After the grueling process of checking all of his top blogs on tengaged dot com, he decided it was time to shower. He spent a long time in the shower (don't we all! :P). He broke it down by spending 5 minutes washing his body, 5 minutes shampooing and conditioning, and 39 minutes deliberating on whether or not he skipped a page in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that he had checked out from the e-library of his local community college.
Brandt decides to take a walk to the store. After all, a house isn't really a home unless he can be the ultimate provider of its inhabitants (true, some neighbors did find it strange when they had seen in his window Brandt breaking up cheese and throwing it under his bed wearing a cape emblazoned with "RAT KING", but they did not question it).
Brandt is checking out with a hearty brick of cheddar and a heart full of spite when the cashier does a double take at his button saying "SURVIVOR MERGES".
"Excuse me," the cashier begins. "This may be incredibly odd-sounding, but do you by chance play on tengaged.com?"
A bead of sweat forms on Brandt's left temple. He brushes it off with the appearance of pushing his long, tangled hair (he never brushed it; he prefers the 'au naturel' look) behind his ears.
"S-Sorry?" Brandt responds.
"Nevermind, must be something else then, haha," the cashier says with a smile. "You have a great day now!"
Brandt chuckles uncomfortably, grabs his bag of cheese and malt balls and races out the door. On the sidewalk outside he throws up from anxiety. He breathes deep, straightens himself up, and continues his journey home.
On his door there is a sign left by a neighbor: "Please keep the sex banging and grunting down; there are children next door!"
Brandt confusedly looked at the sign before remembering that he had been practicing his boxing skills on the wall behind his bed after getting voted out of another group game in last place. He must remember to grab his screaming pillow for the next time, he thought.
Once comfortably nestled in his bed again, Brandt used the remote to lower the blackout shades and settle in a cocoon of darkness once again. He pulled out his laptop, Tengaged User Dossiers, and his notepad where he scribbled combinations of minority insults and triggering words, and got to work. There was a long night of tengaging ahead.
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I just want to thank the truly special Brandt69 for being my muse! And for saying I have Down's Syndrome! Truly inspiring xx
Comments
This must've taken a long time to write so I had to neg
