I know probably juat one or two people will see this but I think I'm gonna officially leave this site.
But not as in leave and disappear. But I'm not gonna be as interactive as I usually am. I'm just going to stay silent.
Tengaged although it is getting better moderation now, has affected me. With all the stress that comes from school and the expectations I have to meet, the added weight of tengaged made me, a twig, snap.
Last year, I won the lucky draw for stars, while in the middle of major examinations. Although I had protested many times wanted to be evicted in stars. While most complied, there were the people who supported me and wanted me to win. It would turn out that I would survive every poll which saw me up for eviction.
Although I do appreciate my supporters, this did not help me at all. I couldn't focus on my studies because I had to deal with stars. I didn't do well in my languages and the only reason I even got the class I wanted was because of my mathematics and science which I was good at.
Although it has been months since stars, the hate I had received from stars still haunts me to this day. I DO NOT cope well with hate. It often leads to thoughts of "I'm a burden" "Nobody likes me" along those lines.
I don't think I will ever be able to recover from this. Plus, with how much extra work I have to put into studies compared to last year, along with my co-curriculum activities AKA club activities, there's too much piling up on me and it just takes a single nevative comment to send me stumbling down.
I have never been the type to speak up. Some of my teachers expect us to easily speak up. Like "what's so hard about that?" I don't know. I just can't seem to speak up. I just ducking can't alright.
I've always had a certain dream that I tried to accomplish here of all places, stupid right? No matter how hard I tried, I'd fail over and over. Do your best? Failure. Do your worst? Failure.
With how life is my mental state is dying and I can't keep up. I've been having thoughts of my ugly corpse down on the ground. I can't handle anything anymore.
I know there have been good times but the bad times still haunt me. Seeing a pic of a pen, finding out a certain milk is a predator or something. Having to deal with mass hate I never asked for in a time of stress. There are a lot more things I could add to this, but to me these were the main ones.
It breaks my heart to leave this site as I have made many amazing friends, amazing memories and more. This is my childhood, a slightly twisted one at that. And honestly I'm surprised I made it this far. But, my everything can't take it anymore. I know even if I leave these feelings may just linger on but to me this is better than anything.
Typing this I have been on the verge of tears the whole way through. Part of me is clenching my heart not wanting to let go.
I hope you all have a pleasant day.
-Colin, that person you knew.
