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Big Brother and online Hunger games.

Ranking People in Survivor Cagayan

17thMay 22, 2014 by Chee5e55ave5
#Survivor
All right, let's get into this. First off, I want to say that this season was absolutely awesome. It was one of the best we've had in this modern era and I'm perfectly happy with how everything turned out. Seriously, everything just seemed to come together so perfectly. Maybe just a tad less airtime on Tony and maybe a little more character focus but other than those little nitpicks...this season was a thing of beauty. With all that said, let's get to these rankings. I have a lot to say and there's going to be a lot of unpopular opinions here...but screw it.

18. Sarah (11th) - And here's an unpopular opinion right off the bat. But I don't care. Sarah had so much potential but wound up being either disappointing, frustrating or awful. Let's recap. She starts off on Aparri, brags about how she's going to be great at reading when people are lying to her since she's a cop, sees Tony and immediately knows that he's a cop in spite of his denials. Sounds like the set-up for an awesome rivalry storyline, right? Wrong. Tony comes clean in Episode 2 and BAM. It's all sunshine and roses. Tony then starts lying to Sarah about Cliff and Lindsey targetting her. There's no reason for this lie to make any sense; Tony's just trying to protect himself. Surely, Sarah who's SO great at reading liars can tell Tony's lying, right? Nope. Sarah eats this right up. Never mind the fact that Tony has ALREADY lied to you about being a cop; he must be telling the truth since we're both cops. In fact, she eats this up so well that she wants to throw a challenge to vote off Cliff, in spite of history stating that throwing challenges is almost always stupid. Thankfully, the Brains were failtastic enough to prevent this stupid plan from coming to fruition, much to Sarah's frustration.

But fine. Sure, Sarah kind of sucks but not enough to get this low yet. And when Sarah saw Tony declaring NuSolana as the final 5, it seemed like she was finally going to make the move against Tony many people were dying for her to. She goes into the merge in the best possible position; in the middle of both groups that need her vote and everyone knows it. So how does she handle it? In the worst and most awful way imaginable since Big Tom in All Stars. Let's start at NuSolana. Tony promises her the world (Potential F4 and pick whoever leaves) compared to NuAparri. Strategically, Sarah maybe would have had a better shot working into NuSolana but not only does she stick with NuAparri, she does a terrible job of bluffing that she will consider flipping to NuSolana. At NuAparri, it's even worse. NuAparri anticipates an idol and wants to vote out Jefra or Trish to be safe (which turns out to be right). But no, Sarah demands that the vote has to go the way she wants it and she wants it to be Tony or Woo. NuAparri says no because that's stupid and Sarah goes on to whine about how NuAparri is bullying her by not giving her what she wants and submitting to her powerful position, which is BS because SHE's the one trying to bully her way using her power. It's like, geez...no wonder Kass got so pissed off that she flipped. As a result of Sarah's idiotic and obnoxious behavior, Nusolana is able to recruit Kass to blindside Sarah. It was a glorious boot and it could not have been more well-deserved. Top it off with her condemning Kass's move by acting so morally superior in Ponderosa and her jury question where she condemns Tony for swearing on his badge when she tried to get the vote on Tony and was going to go back on her word as well and just...how can anyone like her? So if you absolutely hated that Tony dominated, Sarah is 100% to blame for that and I just can't stand her.

17. Lindsey (13th) - After that major Sarah rant, I'll try to shorten these next few. Believe it or not, this ranking has nothing to do with her quit. I can respect her reasoning that she was aware she may have done something regrettable if she stayed so I can respect that belief. I can rank her low for everything else though. Lindsey just came across as really whiny and naggy and she didn't bring anything fun to make up for it. She just seems to sit on a high horse and if anyone challenges her, it's either 'how dare they' or she plays a victim. She wasn't even present enough to matter (though that may be due to the quit). She just wasn't fun to watch.

16. Morgan (10th) - I'm about to receive a ton of crap but once again, I don't care. Morgan is so overrated and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I mean, her final Tribal Council was pretty good. "If most people could choose between being ugly and being cute, most people would choose to be cute" was funny in a Heidi Strobel way. And her jury question was kind of cute as well. That is all I will give her credit for and that's all she really deserves; enough to get above Lindsey but nothing else. The negatives are...well, she didn't really do anything. Sure, there was the first episode where LJ singled her out so she looks for the idol and fails at it. And then after that...she does literally nothing. The Beauties take out her ally Brice first because he's clearly the bigger threat. And Morgan just sort of sits around and does nothing memorable, other than throw Jeremiah under the bus which isn't saying much anyway. It's just this entire empty gap between the Beauties Tribal Council and her boot where she's just irrelevant, conceited or just sucks. To top it all off, Morgan confirms the negative stereotype that Tengaged automatically worships pretty girls even if they are worthless. Seriously, half the blogs I read praising Morgan are about her boobs and the occasional few about some tiny quote or facial reaction. Apparently, Tengagers have forgotten that there is still porn on the internet; you just can't post it here. -_- I'll definitely keep more of an eye out for her on rewatch but she definitely doesn't warrant the praise she gets.

15. Jeremiah (8th) - Well, we're past the three really bad ones. Now we get to the duds. Out of everyone who made the merge...Jeremiah was just the biggest dud. Well, OK so was LJ (spoiler alert) but at least LJ played a decent game. Jeremiah just apparently came off as shady but couldn't even do it in an interesting way. His bit about him revealing he was a model was a little cute but other than that, he didn't do anything worth mentioning.

14. David (18th) - Funny how when you get a sort-of celebrity, they get some hype and then they flop. David actually wound up being an extremely unmemorable first boot. He targeted Garrett when he was picked as leader and told to single someone out which ultimately turned around to bite him. That's...really all I can remember about him.

13. LJ (9th) - He played a decent game and I'll admit he was screwed somewhat unnecessarily. The problem with LJ is that he's just so....dull. I can legitimately feel the energy leaving my body whenever he comes on screen. Yeah he contributed to the craziness of the Sarah Tribal council but tony still initiated that. So yeah, glad he was out.

12. Alexis (12th) - And just like in the game, the Beauty tribe is getting steadily decimated in this ranking. Alexis was kind of cute, she was a superfan and I felt really bad for her during her blindside. But even setting those aside, Alexis didn't do a whole lot worth mentioning. Another person I'll need to keep a watch out for during rewatch.

11. Cliff (14th) - Another celebrity that probably had some hype around him but fell flat. tried to downplay his celebrity status but Woo's just like 'Dude I know who you are :)' and boom. Then the tribe tried to throw a challenge to get rid of him but whoops, it's a basketball challenge. Other than that, Cliff seems nice but didn't do much.

10. Brice (16th) - Brice had a lot of potential and it's a real shame that he was booted instead of Morgan. Brice had a much more lively personality and he seemed to be a decent strategist unlike Morgan. It made sense to take him out first. However, potential can only get you so far and there's a chance he could have been annoying if he lasted longer too so yeah.

9. Garrett (17th) - Now we get to the good stuff. He's only this high because his story arc is funny. I swear, it was a two hour premiere JUST for this guy and to show how quickly he rose and then crashed and burned. First part, he gets singled out but it's OK. He finds the idol and gets the numbers on his side to blindside David. He goes into Ep. 2 on top of the world only to screw it all up. He starts off by whining about working and being hungry. Then when they lose, he pisses everyone off by wanting an open forum for the vote and basically leading to the rice dumping incident. To finish the job, he gets blindsided, not even bringing the idol with him and leaving it at camp. It's a wonderful rise and downfall arc so early on and it set the stage for the whole season.

8. Trish (5th) - It's a pretty good sign when the entire Top 7 makes your Top 8. Out of the Top 7, Trish ranks the lowest but that's nothing to be ashamed of at all. I only really dock Trish for Episode 5 where she did come across kind of creepy and in her boot episode where she annoyed me a bit. Everything else, she was pretty enjoyable with her little jokes and moments (I'm actually a man, They look like Morgan's boobs, etc). And she actually had a really solid case for winning should she have made it that far. Finding the crack in NuAparri and pulling in Kass was crucial for shaping the season the way it turned out and I thank her for that. Overall she was kind of irrelevant but I still liked her.

7. Jefra (7th) - Like Trish, Jefra was kind of irrelevant a good amount of the time and yes it was frustrating when she didn't flip to change up the game. But I still like her for her cute moments such as her confessional in the rain, not knowing how chickens lay eggs, almost leaving in the merge tribal council, the letters and maybe a couple others (Unlike Morgan, Jefra actually does have likable character moments) Yeah they're small and yeah they make me seem like a hypocrite since I just slammed Morgan for being useless and Jefra can be seen as useless as well. In spite of that, she was still adorable and mostly inoffensive so she gets 7th in the ranking.

6. Spencer (4th) - Spencer is just such a strange case for me. Yeah, he comes across as a douchebag and yes he comes across as obnoxious at times even when he isn't (It's just something about his tone of voice). And there were really awful moments from him such as his jury speech and his first vote for Woo. But overall, he was actually somewhat good. It's weird we all thought he'd be this major CPN force and then he spent the first half of the game just kind of being there as a narrator. Sure he was surviving a crazy ride but he wasn't doing much yet. But then the merge came and he suddenly had to scrap. He had to find an idol, he had to win challenges and suddenly he was forced to do stuff to survive and to become important. His planting a seed of paranoia in Tony to target Jefra was brilliant and he actually managed to cockroach for a long time. Maybe I'm overranking him because he can be a jerk and he's definitely overrated as a strategist but there's no denying what he brought to the season and doing what he could to prevent a complete Pagonging.

5. J'Tia (15th) - J'Tia is one of the best fails we've ever had on the show and it made for great TV. Obviously, the highlight of this was dumping the rice. In all rights she should have been voted out right there but she somehow survived. After that, she just became a lulzy fail in challenges. My only problem with J'Tia is that I feel she should have been voted out after the rice dumping so that she leaves looking like a crazy person instead of a sane person who just had an emotional reaction to possibly being voted out. She kind of fizzled out after the rice-dumping incident other than continuing to fail. But she still delivered to the season in her short time, her two miraculous survivals also helping set the stage for how crazy this season would get.

4. Tasha (6th) - Yes I know she's robbed but 4th is still pretty good. Tasha started off strong in Episode 2 when she was against the open forum and helped engineer Garrett's downfall. Sadly, she fell off the radar after that until the merge came when she had to scrap. From that point, she pulled out the immunity run that seemed to come out of nowhere which was awesome. And she had a little sass to her as well. I wish she was shown a bit more other than just winning challenges, otherwise she'd be even higher due to her potential as a character. I have no idea why she was the only one who voted for Woo by the way. I thought she was going to vote for Tony.

3. Woo (2nd) - And again, the final three is up in the top 3. Woo sadly ranks the lowest of the three and the only reason for that is the admittedly retarded decision to take Tony to the end. My pro-Woo argument was locked until that happened. Damn it, man. But other than that, Woo was still a great positive character who was a lot of fun to watch. He just came across as kind of dorky but still a fan of the game that had a different way of how to go about it which helped make the season interesting. Stealing the idol clue and creating chaos was one of the highlights of the season. He had other positive moments such as failing in the boat with Cliff, staying positive in the rain, falling out of the tree and demonstrating martial arts for the kids. And trying to keep the honor thing was pretty cool even though it cost him the game. Overall a positive force even though people complain about his gameplay.

2. Kass (3rd) - Kass has a lot of hatred and admittedly a good amount of it it warranted with some of her comments (college-age males are selfish, calling Trish Skeletor and a banshee). But without Chaos Kass, this season would not have been the masterpiece it was. Kass starts off pretty rational and normal, and she seems well-spoken but kind of bland. Nothing much, nothing much, nothing much and then the glorious merge episode hits where random paranoia just seems to get to her and she flips. Admittedly not for great strategic reason but it owned Sarah so I'm cool with it. Then Kass lays low for a little while, playing free agent for an episode then settling for a bit. Then the final 6 comes and she just brings it again and again, causing the camp to erupt and the power to shift. It's because of her that Tony lost control at the end and he would've lost if it weren't for Woo. Still, Kass brought a lot of chaos to the season and she did it effectively.

1. Tony (1st)  - Not only was Tony a strong player but he was constantly entertaining. He took Russell's game, fixed the tweaks and improved upon it. He didn't go out of his way to be awful to other people; sure he swore on things a few too many times but people knew it was just a game and Tony generally got on well with others. Tony played an aggressive game, not a perfect game, but it definitely warranted his victory. Yeah the super idol sucked and yeah the airtime hogging in mid-merge sucked but I blame the producers for that more than Tony. Tony himself was just a hardcore player and even though his paranoia caused him to make some mistakes, he still did well overall.

The weirdest thing is that I always told myself that if Tony won, I'd knock him down to probably the lowest of the Top 7. I always thought Tony's arc would work best with him losing, with him getting a major downfall. And the thing is even though he won, he still got that major downfall when the jury ripped him a new asshole. And I have to give the editors and the cast heaps of credit; it was probably one of the best bluff jobs I've ever seen on the show and I sincerely thought Whoa maybe Woo could win. That was enough for me to keep Tony as number one because even when it should have been obvious, it came out of nowhere. That was the beauty of the season; that it truly was difficult to predict and it even made the predictable unpredictable. It was glorious.

HATE
18. Sarah

DISLIKE
17. Lindsey
16. Morgan

MEH
15. Jeremiah
14. David
13. LJ
12. Alexis
11. Cliff

LIKE
10. Brice
9. Garrett
8. Trish
7. Jefra
6. Spencer
5. Tasha
4. J'Tia
3. Woo
2. Kass
1. Tony

Comments

plussed for effort

and even though you like Spencer, you have Kass at #2 which I appreciate
Sent by Patrick319,May 22, 2014
negged..
how can anyone hate Sarah and Morgan :/
Sent by danio,May 22, 2014
Patrick319 He may be lower on rewatch because he can be a douche and his jury speech was nauseating but for now, I can appreciate his impact on the season. Kass is awesome. :)

danio I just explained this. Now explain to me how anyone can like them.
Sent by Chee5e55ave5,May 22, 2014

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