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Big Brother and online Hunger games.
Chameleon777

Chameleon777's blogBlog

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A more extended answer to a question I was asked on Twitter

Jun 27, 2020 by Chameleon777
imageWhenever someone is on a reality game of any time, it’s perfectly natural and appropriate that those viewing the reality show would be curious about who the players are as people. As long as fans don’t get stalkery/obsessed with players, it’s perfectly natural and healthy to want to know about them. I played Audrey Middleton’s very famous Sequester mini for the first time tonight after debating it for a long time. I decided to take that leap because I felt that I could learn things about my abilities and also teach others about who I am as an individual with social impairments. That is one of the goals that I would take with me if I ever got on a reality show and I decided to treat this in the same manner.

During the time I was in the Sequester mini, I was not allowed to look at social media at all because Audrey wanted us to focus completely on the game. I followed that rule quite well, but I went and looked at all my social medias after to see how others reacted to me participating. One of the questions on my Twitter was from @LewisThorp and he asked "What's the backstory with Heather?" Of course, the trolls all had their own responses to what they percieve me to be, but I decided to personally answer the question to better help others understand why I am the way I am.

I have Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, which places me on the autism spectrum, and ADHD. Unfortunately for me, I also grew up in an abusive situation and didn't really get to enjoy life until I was 27 years old. The last 5 years have been me catching up to modern life and finding out for myself what works for me and what doesn't. This has aggravated a lot of people who think I am attention seeking, fake, and simply acting. I wish it was an act, but it really isn't. This is me and you may not like it, but I don't have the energy to be fake.

In reference to my 'catching up' comment, my biological father passed away on October 26, 2014 of a terrible cancer and he was a very abusive alcoholic who did whatever he could to cause hurt. When he died, it was like getting out of jail after scrimping to survive on death row. When he was alive, it was literally like trying to survive as if each day might be the last and not having the resources to do anything but survive. There was no joy in holidays or being at home and I did whatever I could to involve myself in the outside world just so I could avoid 'home life' as much as possible. I had severe depression and weight issues then and this was even prevalent when he got the cancer diagnosis in mid-July 2014. When he finally died, it was such a struggle to move myself into a headspace where I thought of myself as a real person who had a right to feelings, boundaries, and the decision-making process. During the time where he was alive, he drank whenever he could and treated me as if I was nothing more than a burden to what he already had.

I had to go to counseling a lot and there was some moving involved because I didn't know how to feel anything other than my depressed, apathetic, angry self. I ended up getting a wonderful stepfather in January 2016 and he was the antithesis of everything my bio dad was; I actually consider him my dad now and although I don't live with him and my mom, he has been such a good presence in my life. I'm doing a lot better now, but I still have the memories and even though I've been able to forgive all that, there are still times that I get triggers and I work through them on a daily basis. I've gotten a lot better with things over time, but that kind of recovery is ongoing and probably will be for the rest of my life. I just have to be diligent with it and not allow myself to go back in that headspace of worthlessness.

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