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Chameleon777

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A personal viewpoint about dating

Jun 12, 2020 by Chameleon777
I was browsing my Facebook feed this morning and I came across this question on one of the LDS Singles pages I follow: Would you date someone who lives with a disability?

As a person with a disability, I've often wondered if anyone would date me or if I would be considered trash for the struggles I go through despite my strides to improve over the years. I contemplated how I would answer this question very carefully and I came up with an answer that represents who I am as a person, my personal experiences, and where I'm at in my life. If you want to consider me a jerk, please be mindful of the fact that my experiences are probably very different than yours and I have very good reasons for answering the question the way I choose to. Anyway, here's my very detailed answer and the reasoning behind it. Please do not judge.

Answer: I would date someone who lives with a disability if they were their own legal guardian. Before anyone thinks I'm a jerk for saying that, let me tell you a little story as to why my stance is such. I love people with disabilities, but having to run to an outside party for permission to let a romantic relationship develop with another adult doesn't seem like something I'd be comfortable with. At my age, I want to be able to engage in any good, solid relationship when an opportunity presents itself and I want to have the decisions within the relationship made by God, me, and the person I am in the relationship with. I've learned that Christ is supposed to be the center of a relationship and of people's lives, so that's what I want; I don't want an outside party being allowed to legally interfere.

Having additional parties calling the shots would definitely remind me of the past that I had with my very controlling, very abusive, alcoholic biological father and that's not somewhere I am willing to go again. I've forgiven him, yes, but dating someone who is not their own legal guardian and having to contend with a dominant force like that would reintroduce that headspace and I can't handle that again. No matter how much time passes since his death, that kind of a dominant force who had the power to destroy just because they can is not something I'm willing or able to contend with anymore. That kind of thing would make me feel as if I am not enough to the one I am in a relationship with.

Beyond that, there was a time that I did try getting to know a guy online who wasn't his own guardian and it was a disaster: his mother was the one who intitially approached me online and thought I might be a good match for her son. so she made an online chat for the three of us. She wanted us to get to know each other, but also wanted to supervise. I tried to get out of the situation as kindly as possible, but they both went insane on me and so they are blocked to this day.

As Christlike as I want to be, dating someone and/or being in a relationship who is not their own legal guardian has too many complications and would create a lot of stress for me. I can no longer deal with people who cause hurt and chaos just because they have the power and authority to and want to cause hurt. I'm at a point in my life now that I know what I want and what I'd be comfortable with, so am I a jerk for making my thoughts on this known?

Comments

I understand the sentiment of not wanting a third party being involved but I don't understand why you are a person with a disability judging other people for having a disability it's nonsense
Sent by Funnehliner,Jun 12, 2020
Alex, I don't care if they have a disability. That's the point.
Sent by Chameleon777,Jun 12, 2020

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