Our main character Stacey is sweating profusely and eating a bag of toenails in a car. Her mother teleports in the car.
Mother
(surprised)
Stacey, what did I tell you about stealing my snacks!
Stacey
(embarassed)
That once I start making friends I can have some toenails..
Mother
(firm)
Yes, exactly! Now look there鈥檚 a group of people over there, why don鈥檛 you introduce yourself to them?
Stacey鈥檚 mom points to the offscreen group, and pushes Stacey onto the gravel road, driving away.
Stacey shyly follows the group at a safe distance throughout the whole time, marveling at their sleek blonde hair and long legs.
Finally she musters up the courage to talk to them at the cafeteria.
Stacey barges into the conversation.
Stacey
(awkward)
H-hi, my name鈥檚 Stacey and do you want to be my friend?
The cool girls look at each other, and whisper amongst each other.
Cool Girl 1
(leans in)
Listen we just don鈥檛 want to rush it or anything, the last two people who came up to us and said that spontaneously combusted into flames, and it was just like- really EMBARASSING for us, right sisters?
Cool Girl 2
Oh, word.
Cool Girl 3
Like, yeah.
Cool Girl 1
So like, we could hang out with you I guess, if you don鈥檛 embarrass us or anything.
(FLASHBACK)
The living room of a suburban house. Baby Stacey is writing down complex mathematical equations when suddenly her mom barges in drunk with a man.
Unknown Man
(repulsive)
What the fuck, you didn鈥檛 tell me you had a kid?
Mother
(slurring her words)
It鈥檚 okay, I usually just put her in the fridge when I do this, here help me.
Cut to when they are hooking up. The unknown man is mimicking car engine sounds while giving it to Stacey鈥檚 mom. Baby Stacey in the fridge, mimicks animal sounds in delight.
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Stacey is estatic. She jumps up and down and screeches with joy. She starts crying tears of joy and is mimicking animal cries.
Throughout all of Stacey鈥檚 time with the cool girls, she swoons with delight, until they go to the Transformers store. She sees Optimus Prime and pukes all over the cashier.
Cool Girl 2
Oh my god, slay queen.
Cool Girl 3
I think I like you more than Cool Girl 1 now.
Cool Girl 1
No, no you don鈥檛.
Stacey
(wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her hoodie)
I don鈥檛 know, I think there鈥檚 a new Cool Girl 1 in town now.
The other Cool Girls stand by Stacey and Cool Girl 1 looks on jealous.
It culminates in the cafeteria where Cool Girl 1 hits her breaking point.
Cool Girl 1
(mad)
No fuck you, you smell like ass and you have clamhydia!
Stacey is livid. She turns into a dinosaur and eats (former) Cool Girl 1. The whole cafeteria claps and cheers Stacey on as she continues to hurl tables and eat people.
Stacey鈥檚 mom鈥檚 car crashes into the cafeteria.
Mother
(booming with pride)
Oh my god, Stacey, I am so proud of you. I knew pushing out of the car was the right thing to do. Have ALL the toenails you want.
The mother throws bag after bag of toenails onto Stacey who roars with delight.
A montage plays of her winning the Nobel Peace Prize, being sworn into President at age 10, and being awarded the Academy Award for best Picture. Stacey is named skinniest legend by George Washington and saves the world from climate change.
