season's greetings, everyone, and welcome to the first episode of absolita's barista contest airing in december! (at least i think it will be as i write this it's like 10 pm my time but est it's midnight) this week, the baristas were thrown a curveball and were challenged to make soups! will your favorite barista noodle their way to the top, or will they boil over? as always, make sure to use the hashtag #AbsolitaBarista on twitter to sound off on your opinions. now, let's get into the judging on this episode of absolita's barista contest!
as for the judging this week, i think most of you did pretty well, as long as you took it seriously. some of you did not take it seriously, which is ok. we still have a few episodes to cut the filler out of the show.
1st - weetmaster - excellent submission. i am a HUGE pho lover and you really came through with the classic pho experience and gave me even more on top of that. i used to not like egg in soup, but that shit be good as hell especially with a noodle base. i have a lot of good memories of getting pho after class and trying every weird ass recipe, but i think that chicken is just the staple for a dish like this, cuz i think i'm a little too culturally insensitive for some of the more risky kinds of meat you could find in a pho. also full disclosure i would DRINK an entire bottle of that hoisin sauce its sosoosos good aaaa
2nd - kinggeek - another impressive week for the geek! i love instant ramen, and the only thing i love more than making it is putting random shit in it to see how it tastes. egg in ramen is also a pretty good choice, a hard-boiled egg and some spicy flavor will mix really well i love a nice cool egg flavor in that kind of context. i have never really gone to THIS level of extra, but now i'm really considering doing exactly that, because this looks delicious. chicken was a safe bet for a meat in the soup, like i said earlier. just overall really good job.
3rd - mmabatlokoamolefe - of course. the old guard of soups, chicken noodle. i feel like this was a really CLASSIC take on chicken noodle, but i also think that's why it landed. sometimes i just need some chicken and some noodle. this is definitely my go to for like an "i'm sick/cold/it's winter and my seasonal depression is kicking in" comfort soup, and i think you executed better on that fantasy than the other chicken souper. speaking of chicken soupers...
4th - mastropola - you know, after some of your comments on twitter, many people wanted me to cancel your contract with the show. they said you were being insensitive about ladylizard's death, calling you all sorts of terrible things... you know what i told them? monstrupio made ladylizard soup. just kidding you did not do that. joke tings. good chicken soup, and i appreciate that this has a very different vibe from the other chicken soup. that made it stand out for me still. if you had just done a boring chicken soup i wouldn't have felt it as much. thanks for the vore shout-out too that was really cool of you
5th - turkeylover - this looks so yummy. cheddar broccoli is honestly such an underrated soup for what she has done for the culture. this bitch is a vegetarian soup, but she ain't no vegan. she doesn't fit in anywhere and i LOVE her for that. so, i guess in general, good choice, i like the veggies, i like anything cheesy. it wasn't on a different level of amazing but you definitely rounded out the high submissions this week
commercial break/short safe critiques time
6th - darktyphoon23 - this was a good bet as well. i am usually MORE about tomato/red pepper soup, but today i wasn't really feeling it.
7th - lovelykiss - mmm i was hoping more people would really lean into the overuse of the word creamy when describing soups. this looks pretty tasty i have not tried CREAMY chicken mushroom soup but i would now
8th - christian_ - uhhhh i am back and forth on potato soup because it is VERY easy to fuck it up. sometimes this shit just has NO base and it be tasting garbage, and this pic just looks alright. i wasn't convinced this WOULDN'T taste like garbage disposal water, really
9th - akora - i mean... i feel like you're really struggling with your identity in this competition. last week you were really leaning into mastropola's style, and now you bite an idea from someone who was much more extravagant and convincing with their presentation. i think you either need take the ideas that are being shared to a different level and be the one that stands out, or just find a new lane to operate in, because it seems like you're always playing second fiddle. this look good tho
10th - cheritaisdelicious - so... i know like 5 submissions ago i was talking all that good shit about how down i am with broccoli, but i don't really trust her white friend cauliflower. i mean, i would still give this a try, but i have a weird aversion to cauliflower that is almost unexplainable, so this submission being so low is not really your fault
okay, and um... this week we have a bottom 5 because 4 submissions didn't wow me and 1 person didn't submit. there's not gonna be much song or dance here, i'm gonna give y'all critiques and then send romeo home.
11th - isandeh - i mean... this is better than the other 3 submissions but it really isn't on theme. i think i would have found it really funny if you redid this picture but melted the ice cream so it actually gave me soup vibes, but this just really isn't soup so i can't judge it against the rest of these. if this week wasn't a dumpster fire you could be on the chopping block, sandra.
12th - itsaustin - this submission made me giggle but i DO have a job executive producing for one of the most successful food contests on this fucking WEBSITE???? so i don't really wanna hear SHIT miss glitz. also this soup base looks SO sus how does it get that green??? it's almost impressive but yeah not impressive in the way that i want to eat
13th - highnoon - rice water soup??? cmon now you could have at least pretended you weren't phoning it in... at least i can phone in my critique in response
14th - mathboy9 - i can't explain the level at which this picture triggered me but this is the first submission that has made me unironically angry that it was sent.
um anyways all 4 of those were rough in their own ways. level it up or you're gonna meet the same fate as our friend romeo.
before i elim britishromeo17 i just wanna say that you have made me look like an idiot for keeping you and i'm really upset that you had to embarrass me this week. i should have kept dizzle he would have at least been funny and with the quality of these submissions he would've stayed another week.
next episode soon i'm having a celebrity meltdown over romeo not posting
Y'all thought you had me. Next time you're in Vegas, always bet on diabetes. We gon have chicken and waffles at Golden Corral when it's all done. I'll prepare the drinks. #VillainEdit#AbsolitaBarista
